The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
At the first call, each competitor came promptly forward, each eying the
other warily, but with ill-suppressed dislike and jealousy. Some feints
followed. A few passes were cautiously made, as if each was measuring
his adversary and feeling for his strong and weak points. At length a
rapid and dexterous touch of Mr. Bull’s stomach sent him uneasily back
to his corner. Time was called for the second round in 1755, and,
leaping forward, the alert Gaul struck his heavy, blundering antagonist
in a weak spot in front, called Fort du Quesne, from which he reeled
back to his place, and was held up for a time in a fainting condition by
one George Washington, a young man of twenty-two, then a friend of Mr.
Bull, and invited to be present. Recovering after a little time, Mr.
Bull suddenly sprang up in intense suffering and mortification, and made
across the ring in fury; but scarcely had he got within reach of the
Frenchman, when he received a stunning blow on his very Crown Point.
Time being up, the stout Briton again advanced towards his adversary
with a most menacing manner, and struck out full from the shoulder, as
if he intended to leave an awkward scar in the face, but missing his
footing, he fell forward in a pool of water, named Ontario, the angry
Gaul rolling over him, and punishing him when down in a manner deemed
almost foul by the spectators. On the fourth round, in 1757, the Saxon
pugilist rushed confidently forward, and aimed a direct thrust at a very
ugly pimple on the Frenchman’s face, called Louisburg; but the Celt
skilfully parried the home thrust, and, while his adversary was
gathering himself to a second onset, delivered a regular Montcalm
settler at Ticonderoga, a very tender British point, which drew blood in
profusion.
Thus far the heavy Englishman had been worsted in every encounter; but
on the next round he advanced from his wintry corner with great caution,
set his teeth together firmly, and, making a feint, struck his
antagonist, ere he had recovered, two quick, telling blows, one on his
face, completely crushing that ugly pimple, and the other on that spot
in the chest still sore, Fort du Quesne; but while the Englishman was
all too intent upon these, his antagonist got in another Montcalm
settler on that English mouth, Lake Champlain, which brought out blood
and water quite distressing for innocent spectators to witness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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