The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Mile-stone after mile-stone has been left behind us. We have been
hindered by Indian ambushes along the wayside, and have been obliged
often to pick out arrows shot into our covered emigrant-wagon, as we
have toiled up and over the New England hills, through the Mohawk
Valley, and along the broad bottom-lands of Virginia, Georgia, and the
Carolinas. French gentlemen with pleasant manners have often stopped us
at cross-roads, and attempted by very sharp arguments to convince us
that we were on the wrong track. Several large parties of these Gallic
gentlemen, at various narrow parts of the way, especially in 1689, 1710,
1745, and notably for nine consecutive years from 1754 to 1763, have
warned us back, and indeed endeavored to turn us entirely off the road,
claiming that it was a private one of their own. But past all these have
we succeeded in pushing our historic journey, shunning the miry places
left open by colonial negligence, the shaky bridges full of witch holes,
the badly mended ruts of religious bigotry, and the rough patches of
corduroy posts, laid crosswise over trembling, low-lying swamps of
political scheming and financial speculation. Here and there we have
found bits of plank road, laboriously and ambitiously placed over the
public highway in front of colleges, school-houses, churches, and
occasionally through pleasant thrifty villages.
Now and then we have ascended, after much patient up-hill work, to
large, noble summits of civil or religious freedom, commanding wide
horizons and broad views; but often, too, have we felt a sinking of
spirits, a saddening depression, as we have been compelled to descend to
lower levels and to jog along again over wearisome flats.
We have been detained occasionally by civil-spoken English governors and
royal councillors, who have persuaded us to alight and partake of their
cheer, which, it must be admitted, was much better than that which we
obtained along the common road; but well knowing that it had never been
honestly paid for or justly earned, we should have found it more
palatable had it been thus properly seasoned. Landed proprietors, with
smooth, royal manners, have, also, sometimes stopped us to state little
points of difference between themselves and their North American
tenants.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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