The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Several times have we crossed the Atlantic together for the purpose of
obtaining certain information about the colonial ways, rights, manners,
customs, and costumes, which could only be cleared up by papers which
had been either accidentally or carelessly left behind, when the first
emigrants packed their chests with the prime necessaries for subsistence
on their briny journey. As we returned and again resumed our land
travels, we had only proceeded a short distance before we were stopped
by unceremonious and hard-visaged European highwaymen, French, Dutch,
and English, with whom we have had stout fights, to prevent the party
which we were convoying from being captured, plundered, and carried off
to foreign lands. But, thanks to a kind Providence and the strong arms
and plucky vigor of the brave chaps inside the wagon, we have been able
to disperse these banditti. Two of them, however, as we have just noted,
escaping from those lesser encounters, entered formally into a set
contest with each other for the championship and custody of our
historical party,—a contest which came off a few rods from the top of
the hill, and which we halted to witness.
At last, however, we have reached the summit of the great pass,—the high
beacon-point of American history,—where the sleepless, vigilant eagle
sits screaming, while his strong, horny claws grasp the flag-staff, from
whose top the flag of the married empires is anxiously ready, day and
night, to slap in its saucy, quarrelsome face every wind that whispers a
provocation. Here, on this elevated plateau, we come suddenly upon a
very nice party of picturesquely dressed, intelligent, earnest, and
thoughtful gentlemen, looking like a large gathering of state midwives,
called together to consider a most important, impending family event.
Let us take breath for a few moments after our long ascent, and look
more carefully at this noteworthy group. It is the 4th of July,—always a
very hot day; and yet, although the weather is characteristic, and there
is very warm work ahead, all the party—numbering that day fifty-one
persons—seem, with few exceptions, to be very cool and unheated. They
are quite unconcerned about the thunder-storm, signalled by white caps
fringing the black heads which crowd the eastern horizon beyond the
Atlantic, and which has shaken from its heavy locks leaden powder, which
has sprinkled the exposed plantations, Breed’s Hill, Concord, Lexington,
Ticonderoga, Crown Point, and Long Island, and even shaken its
disastrous dust upon Quebec and Montreal.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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