The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
No crowds of patriotic office-seekers stepped over the sills of the new
President. Quires and tons of papers, now quadrienially rolled into the
Presidential warehouse, containing uncounted autographic testimonials to
the transcendent abilities and spotless purity of at least one man in
thirty of our entire population for suffering places, were then left to
the innocent uses of book-keepers and book-makers. We search in vain for
any records of enterprising committees, State or county, pressing upon
the uninformed intelligence of the first office appointer the names of
persons, otherwise left in native obscurity, for Cabinet seats and
responsible missions, which might possibly in thoughtless liberality
turn the drippings of their high eaves into their own hungry pails. So
far as our examination has discovered, there were no old battered
political hulks, their rigging split by the gales of speculation or the
contrary winds of local indignation, which put into the Presidential
port in stress of weather.
Gentlemen waited to be sent for, and did not bore through Washington’s
bedroom wall to present handsome reminders of services to be yet
gratefully performed, or to leave their photographs and a solar
microscope, in order that he might by the latter descry something in the
former and in their originals.
Could that modest, slow-minded chief be now permitted, through the
conjury of a medium, to sit by the side of his successors, during the
honeymoon of their official marriages to the state, and see the
procession of great men for whom offices wait pass by with their
directories of certificates to high intellectual power and eminent
fitness for—everything official, he would certainly divide his surprise
between two great convictions,—the scandalous waste to which unclaimed
virtue runs in this prodigal land, and the terrible contrasts between
all the past performances of the ins and the easy, liberal promises of
the outs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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