The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
President Washington had no difficulty, even unaided by pugilistic M.
C.’s or other metallic “rings,” in selecting gentlemen to fill the three
newly created executive departments of Foreign Affairs, Treasury, and
War. Thomas Jefferson, forty-six years old, was requested to assist in
managing our foreign relations and friends. Alexander Hamilton, in his
thirty-second year, was solicited to pump something into that very dry
cistern, the treasury. To the red-leaved portfolio of war was summoned
General Henry Knox,—the Sherman of the Revolution. It was thought that
the man who had, in times of Revolutionary discontent, wisely allayed
the complaints of an army whose courage in the field he could nobly
stimulate, and who had stroked the right way the rising fur of a
disbanded soldiery, could deal justly with the approaching pension
lists, and would fairly adjust the burdens of the seven lean years of
war, to and through the many rank and good years which now appeared in
the visions of our American Pharaohs. The new Secretary felt, in taking
his place on the war bench, that he was summoned to a sort of military
coroner’s inquest on the dead body of the late Revolution, which had
served well in active duty, but which, like every such thing in our
hurrying country,—old people, worn-out utensils, and other ex-useful
machines,—was considered a respectable encumbrance.
To the post of chief justice of the newly created Supreme Court
President Washington nominated John Jay, and for Attorney-General,
Edmund Randolph of Virginia. It is to be noted that the President,
Secretary of State, and Attorney-General were all from the same
State,—the greatest Cabinet-making, State-bureau manufactory in the
Union. If Connecticut, Pennsylvania, or North Carolina sent any
delegates to the President to remonstrate against the appointment of two
gentlemen from the same State, the reporters of that time have shunned
the bare mention of it.
Nothing on earth, not even in the United States, is perfect; and in the
United States especially things most perfect are always in order to be
amended. Within the very first year of the ratification of the
Constitution, ten amendments were proposed and carried, making it an old
knife with new blades, and finishing it up into what some people, with
great novelty, proclaim it to be, the most perfect instrument ever
invented.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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