The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Of course much could be said on each side, and of course much was said;
for the Boston “News-Letter” had now a very vivacious following all over
the thirteen States, many of which barked in chorus, even at the
majestic figure of Washington. Very hard names, too, and even
imputations of felonious attempts upon the person of Liberty herself,
facetiously assumed by party zeal to be impersonated in the last
uppermost French faction, were hissed out against the grand old chief of
the nation by those long-billed, ganderous persons, who, in the warm
days of politics, paddle around in dirty pools and splash, with noisy
uproar, the black ooze upon the cleanest and purest who pass by.
Thus even the golden age had ugly quartz and soiling dirt interspecking
it.
Congress, during the same session of 1790, passed the first act for
counting the people of the United States,—an enumeration which, being
paid for in certain years by the number of names taken, has sometimes
resulted in “counting one’s chickens before they were hatched,”—the
census-paper containing more names than owners of them.
A law was also passed setting in motion that large machine for
manufacturing voters, commonly called a Naturalization Act, whereby a
singular pat-riot paving is turned out, by which our polling-places are
McIrishized with some very curious bricks, and our polls sometimes are
made to suffer by brickbats.
A fund was likewise established for sinking the national debt; but like
the Irishman’s cork contrivance, put on to enable him to drown himself,
the sinking fund, in practice under the statute device, became so
buoyant that for several years the debt floated upwards instead of
downwards.
The year 1791 was signalized by the birth of Vermont, as a State, into
the Union,—a family event which at once added many venerable years and
an historic solidity to the original members, who thenceforward became
“The Old Thirteen.” A national bank was also ushered into existence, and
was carefully wet-nursed by Hamilton, the government lending it
$2,000,000, or one fifth of its capital,—a very comfortable christening
present.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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