The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Attention was immediately directed to the ravelled American stocking
rapidly running down. The blue yarn of the navy was taken up stitch by
stitch. The threads of the little army were picked up, lying loosely
around at a distance from the capital, and, by much knotting and
splicing, were put upon the old, rusty, war-needles for work. It was
very sad business for the gentle-minded Lincoln, although helped by Mr.
Seward in the State Department,—a very vigorous and manifold
letter-writer,—by the wide-headed Chase in the Treasury, by the
strong-knuckled Cameron in the noisy War Bureau, and by that
long-bearded Gideon Welles, whose unthatched upper story became in time,
like a naval depot, the receptacle of a great deal of odd material, most
of it too old to be serviceable. In truth, with his funny ways, dropping
anchor when he should be making steam, bothered with new inventions, gun
bores and spiral devices, which he had never seen at Hartford, and quite
incomprehensible often by any one, puzzled by stern duties and running
about to know where the ship’s waste was, the latter old gentleman was
about the only joke which went about for four years.
Notice by the government of its intention to add to the eighty men in
Fort Sumter drew upon that little stone pentagon a lively cannonade of
thirty-six hours, by General Beauregard, the Confederate military
leader, distorting its resolute visage, and causing wry faces everywhere
throughout the North, and very many among the strikers at the South.
The first whizzing shot was the first uneasy spasm in that horrible
nightmare which crept over America and held it bound for four years.
For the sake of human nature; for the sake of our common past, and our
now dawning brighter future, we would fain draw over the face of the
disturbed sleeper a veil, which should but dimly delineate, if it did
not altogether hide from view, the uncoffined ghastliness. The purposes
of history, however, forbid us, nurses as we are in trouble, as boon
companions in feasting, to quit the room; and so holding still, as best
we can, the hand of genial Humor, we sit down amid the uncomic scenes of
a fratricidal struggle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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