Opening the text

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.

History

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

Name: The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Author: Sherwood, John D.

Sherwood, John D.

United States -- History -- Humor

History grows stern-featured and allows a saddening pity to cloud her
habitual smile, as she flings her knotted whip over the shoulders of
high-born guilt.

As the year 1861 drew towards its close, the war, dropping in the old
traditional path of empire, trended westward and seated itself in the
valley of the Mississippi. Ulysses S. Grant, then thirty-nine years old,
newly assigned to the District of Cairo, took Paducah, Kentucky; and
settled on Belmont,—not August, the banker, but a small town in
Missouri, on the banks of the Mississippi, opposite Columbus, Kentucky.
This latter place was then held by that mitred Spartan warrior, Leonidas
Polk, who had left the light of the star which guided wise men to the
Babe, for the hazy star of the major-general,—one of the dim twinklers
in that milky-way which, after four years’ watering, disappeared from
the sight of even telescopic gazers.

Gradually large forces were drawn to the State of Kentucky,—nicely
balancing on neutral ground,—while her reluctant hand was coyly
withdrawn from any Union by her guardian, Governor Magoffin, and was
thereby sought with greater ardor by each suitor. The Confederates
offered her a bridal Pillow, but the Federals sent Ulysses, that wise
and silent Greek, whose manly deeds soon effectually won her affections.

Christmas eve, 1861, put a million of armed men and two millions of
diurnal debt into the long stocking of iron-ridden America.

                            DIVISION SECOND.



COTTON MIXED. JANUARY 1,1862, TO JANUARY 1,1864.

The Road to Peace.—Distance thither illustrated.—What certain Knights
  might have learned.—The Difficulties created by losing Battles in
  Kentucky, Tennessee, Missouri, and Arkansas detailed.—What Grant,
  Thomas, Curtis, and others did; and what Crittenden, Zollicoffer, etc,
  had done unto them.—Whistling in the Woods.—Wonderful Story-telling
  Powers of J. Davis.—How he repeated Tales with charming Variation.—A
  Sea Story in which Iron enters.—Farragut and Porter up the
  Mississippi.—Received at New Orleans with Illuminations and
  Bonfires.—Butler deals with effervescing Materials.—The Peninsular
  Campaign traced.—Spading and Fighting.—The Glories and Disasters of
  the Army of the Potomac.—The American Pope fallible.—Lee’s Trip into
  Maryland.—Accidents at South Mountain and Antietam.—Difficult
  Questions besiege Mr. Lincoln in Washington.—His New-Year’s Gift to
  the Slaves.—Getting rich on Paper.—Cotton mixed.—A Depraved
  Currency.—Hooker gets at Lee’s Rear at Chancellorsville.—What
  followed.—Lee at Gettysburg; gets the Advertising its Springs
  want.—The Sorrows of Vicksburg, July 4,1863.—The Mississippi
  open.—Mortar-boat Building.—Valor of Colored Regiments at Charleston;
  and of discolored Irish in New York.—Contrasts.—Grant Transfigured at
  Missionary Ridge and Look-Out Mountain without Bragging of it.

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

Opening the text

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.

History

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

Sherwood, John D.

United States -- History -- Humor

History grows stern-featured and allows a saddening pity to cloud her
habitual smile, as she flings her knotted whip over the shoulders of
high-born guilt.

As the year 1861 drew towards its close, the war, dropping in the old
traditional path of empire, trended westward and seated itself in the
valley of the Mississippi. Ulysses S. Grant, then thirty-nine years old,
newly assigned to the District of Cairo, took Paducah, Kentucky; and
settled on Belmont,—not August, the banker, but a small town in
Missouri, on the banks of the Mississippi, opposite Columbus, Kentucky.
This latter place was then held by that mitred Spartan warrior, Leonidas
Polk, who had left the light of the star which guided wise men to the
Babe, for the hazy star of the major-general,—one of the dim twinklers
in that milky-way which, after four years’ watering, disappeared from
the sight of even telescopic gazers.

Gradually large forces were drawn to the State of Kentucky,—nicely
balancing on neutral ground,—while her reluctant hand was coyly
withdrawn from any Union by her guardian, Governor Magoffin, and was
thereby sought with greater ardor by each suitor. The Confederates
offered her a bridal Pillow, but the Federals sent Ulysses, that wise
and silent Greek, whose manly deeds soon effectually won her affections.

Christmas eve, 1861, put a million of armed men and two millions of
diurnal debt into the long stocking of iron-ridden America.

                            DIVISION SECOND.



COTTON MIXED. JANUARY 1,1862, TO JANUARY 1,1864.

The Road to Peace.—Distance thither illustrated.—What certain Knights
  might have learned.—The Difficulties created by losing Battles in
  Kentucky, Tennessee, Missouri, and Arkansas detailed.—What Grant,
  Thomas, Curtis, and others did; and what Crittenden, Zollicoffer, etc,
  had done unto them.—Whistling in the Woods.—Wonderful Story-telling
  Powers of J. Davis.—How he repeated Tales with charming Variation.—A
  Sea Story in which Iron enters.—Farragut and Porter up the
  Mississippi.—Received at New Orleans with Illuminations and
  Bonfires.—Butler deals with effervescing Materials.—The Peninsular
  Campaign traced.—Spading and Fighting.—The Glories and Disasters of
  the Army of the Potomac.—The American Pope fallible.—Lee’s Trip into
  Maryland.—Accidents at South Mountain and Antietam.—Difficult
  Questions besiege Mr. Lincoln in Washington.—His New-Year’s Gift to
  the Slaves.—Getting rich on Paper.—Cotton mixed.—A Depraved
  Currency.—Hooker gets at Lee’s Rear at Chancellorsville.—What
  followed.—Lee at Gettysburg; gets the Advertising its Springs
  want.—The Sorrows of Vicksburg, July 4,1863.—The Mississippi
  open.—Mortar-boat Building.—Valor of Colored Regiments at Charleston;
  and of discolored Irish in New York.—Contrasts.—Grant Transfigured at
  Missionary Ridge and Look-Out Mountain without Bragging of it.

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

No reviews yet