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The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.

History

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

Name: The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Author: Sherwood, John D.

Sherwood, John D.

United States -- History -- Humor

What the Confederate Stool—not of Repentance, but of
          Mars—stood on, and how braced and steadied.—The Daisies
          and Corn-blooms beneath it.—The broken Industries,
          harried Life, and disrupted Ties of Unionists in the
          Border States.—Tragedies.—Grant Commander-in-Chief.—His
          Plan to break up the Nightmare.—Work ahead.—Jubal E.
          Early and his Raids.—The Year of Jubal E.—Sherman at
          Atlanta.—The Southern Knob seized, and the main Door
          burst open.—An unprotecting Hood; how it was pounded and
          cleft.—Sherman’s Swath through Georgia.—A Christmas Gift
          to Mr. Lincoln of a Sheaf.—The Scorpion Alabama: its
          Hatching out; its slimy, wriggling Course, and
          sulphureous End.—The Iron Jaws of Mobile pried open, and
          its Teeth drawn.—Autumn Brands at the North.—Tokens of
          the coming Fall.—Andrew Johnson and the Goose.—Grant
          breaks Things at Petersburg and disturbs J. Davis in
          Church at Richmond.—Flight of the Latter with
          corruptible Treasures.—Negro Troops enter
          Richmond.—Light Suggestions thereupon.—A Meeting at
          Appomattox Court-House.—Leaving bloody Instructions, Lee
          goes to College.—J. Davis in Court and his Sentence.—A
          Thunder-Clap and its Victim.—Death of Abraham Lincoln.


 XX.    VELOCIPEDAL                                                  516

        How mixed Blood effervesces.—Of the Causes and
          Developments of American Fastness.—Unrest in Prisons and
          at Home.—Time lost in Sleep, etc.—The distressing Hurry
          of Brains.—Compressing a Cow in a Milk-Pot.—Of Doctors’
          Gigs and Apoplectic Whirligigs.—American Stomachs
          considered.—A general Stomach; how employed and hired
          out.—Doctors’ Bills.—Clothes Wringers and State
          Wringers.—“Speedy Trials” secured.—The Common and
          Un-common Law of the United States considered at
          length.—Of Dower, and how taken.—Property administered
          before Death.—Heirs cheated.—Injunctions used.—Illinois
          Divorces.—Of Prohibited Degrees of Marriage.—Of Fat
          People and Servants.—Boarding-Houses and
          Hotels.—American Trade and its Feats at diminishing
          Quantities.—Fast Americans in Europe.—How they overcome
          Distances, History, and Landlords.—The Paris _Genus_.


 XXI.   PUZZLES AND CROSS READINGS; OR, JOHNSON’S ENTERTAINMENTS.
          APRIL 14, 1865, TO MARCH 4, 1869.                          526

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

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