The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
America older than Europe, Asia, or Africa.—Chronic Errors on the
Subject.—Europe presented to America.—Truth vindicated.—Proofs of our
Superior Antiquity.—Luxurious Civilization of the Races who stocked
this Continent before the Indians.—Amount of Coal left by them
unburned.—Large supplies of Fish packed away safely in our
Mountains.—Fish Culture Measure of Human Culture.—Fossil
Cran-iology.—Laughable Blunders of Former Historians and
Ethnologists.—Ancient Nations, Babylonian, Assyrian, Persian, Greek,
Ten Lost Tribes, etc., trickling through, appearing on this Side of
the Earth.—Instances cited.—Mythologies of Greece and Rome originated
here.—Proofs and Reproofs.—American Nests well feathered Ages
ago.—Large Stocks for Future Use.
[Illustration: AMERICA BEFORE ITS DISCOVERY.]
Hitherto not only foreign writers, but even our own people, have ignored
the existence of America prior to what is popularly called its
discovery, a phenomenon which might be more appropriately denominated a
return of the descendants of the old stock to the haunts of their
forefathers. That event—reserved until the close of the fifteenth
century of the Christian era, after the invention of gunpowder had
exploded numerous obstructions in the path of progress, and just before
the Lutheran Reformation came in with its fresh needs for more
room—turned up an Old World for new uses.
Of course the newly ventilated space thus rediscovered excited much talk
at the time, and created a sensation in that unsensational age. The
first Europeans who were presented to America were as much elated, as
Americans now at their presentation to European courts; as if America,
like those courts, had not existed and had not had its shows, jewels,
follies, history, and _fêtes_, centuries before they were shown up to
it. Has not this sensation lasted quite long enough? Is it not time—now
that nearly four hundred years have allowed the first ardor and surprise
to cool off—to vindicate the claim of the Western Continent against the
long-suffered error of mistaking what they were new to for what was
itself new?
The arrogant pretensions of what is pleased to call itself the Old World
have quite long enough kept back our bashful and blushing claims.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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