The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present — John Shaqi
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Indeed, in our chronic modesty, we are allowing our country to get
somewhat mature in speaking of itself as new; while even children now
know that ours is, in fact, the elder continent. Agassiz is not gassing
us when he picks our ancient Alleghany flints and tells us, that the
camp-fires in the Lackawanna, Schuylkill, and Lehigh valleys blazed away
long before those at Newcastle and in the English Black Country were lit
up. The Rocky Mountains got up their vertebrated backs ages before Mont
Blanc put on such cool airs and carried its head so loftily over the
more modest chignon of our Orizaba and Long’s Peak. The Mississippi got
down to its delta long before the Rhone or Rhine reached even their
alpha. Let us then henceforth assert the dignity of our superior
antiquity; and commiserate the other half of the globe in being so long
unknown to our older America.
What was the precise height, the fashionable color of hair and eyes, the
modish vices, the sartorial virtues, of the races which stocked our
prairies, and hunted plesiosauria, and megalosauria, and other tall game
along our wide valleys, and across the granite peaks of our long
mountain ranges, we have not now at hand any plates or photographs to
show; but well do we know that we are very much obliged to them for
leaving unburned such lots of good coal, snugly stowed away in dry,
ample cellars; and that those cellars were placed in such a peaceable
Quaker State as Pennsylvania, where we can go and help ourselves by the
cart-load without getting into a stew. How beautifully, too, they—those
young Americans—packed away their fish; so well that they—the fish—are
now just as fresh as when Noah performed his maritime adventure, Moses
was fished up by the banks of the Nile, or Jonah became cargo in the
deeply laden whale.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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