The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present — John Shaqi
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Many doubtless are the swarms that have hived here through the busy
centuries which preceded the Egyptian Pharaohs, the comparatively modern
empires of Assyria, Persia, and China, and the still later kingdoms of
Agamemnon and Priam; empires and kingdoms that stand on the dim
frontis-pages of our ordinary histories. These hives, overflowing their
quarters, have sent out superfluous swarms across the ice bridge over
our northern strait into the plains of Asia, and thence into Africa and
Europe.
Laughable indeed is the exhibition which erudite European historians,
ethnologists, and others have made of themselves in deducing from Asia,
as the mother-swarm, the colonies that have peopled the world; when in
truth Asia was only the half-way house, the luncheon-place of our
trampers, on their march into their foggy countries and chronicles.
Thus it is now ascertained by late researches that there is a great
resemblance between the languages of the Mongols and Japanese, and those
of Equador and New Granada. Hopes are entertained that antiquarians may
discover some ancient precedents for our Yankee tongues and words
derived from sources whose authoritative beginnings now puzzle us.
So, too, no doubt, migrations homeward have taken place from the faded
and colorless scenes of these exploring raids.
Hitherward trickled, probably, the ten Israelitish tribes, hitherto
supposed to be lost, diffusing themselves wanderingly for the past two
thousand five hundred and eighty-nine years, and now collecting in pools
in our towns and cities, and around our stock-exchanges.
Here, too, have reappeared, after going in on the other side, the broken
pieces of the empire of Nineveh, mixed up with fragments of its gates of
brass, which fused in the transmission, have veneered the faces of those
who pulled through, forming in their descendants the race of
brazen-faced itinerant pedlers, auctioneers, and plumbers among us.
So the ancient empire of Egypt, shivered up by Cæsar, percolating
through, at last dripped into that stalagmite, the Tombs of New York,
with its newly formed but not reformed Cæsars and Pompeys inside.
In a word, most of the old kingdoms, and even cities, such as Troy,
Rome, Syracuse, Alexandria, Macedon, Athens, Sparta, and others,
disappearing from sight on the other and newer hemisphere, and straining
through into ours, have come out on our side condensed by the pressure
in small spots, but with similar names,—spots smaller but just as smart
and big-feeling as their larger selves. This, too, accounts for our
sudden expansions, whether in crinoline or credit; the compressed and
squeezed germ reasserting often its chance for pristine greatness in
sudden and unexpected ways.
Now that we have started the train of thought, each of our readers can
easily turn engineer and stoker, and by applying a little fuel of his
own, can drive it over all the various tracks which run from his
metropolitan, central brain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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