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The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.

History

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

Name: The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Author: Sherwood, John D.

Sherwood, John D.

United States -- History -- Humor

Some American Grounds, like Coffee, unsettled.—Some
          Settlements pulled up by the Roots; others chilled by
          Fever and Ague.—Moist Soils objected to except by
          Doctors.—Unexpected Crops of Tomahawks from Wheat
          sown.—Settlements in America because of impracticability
          of making any at Home with Creditors.—Wild Oats sown
          between 34th and 38th Parallels.—Frequent Settlements
          make long Friends.—Settlements of Old Tavern Scores in
          Chalky Districts.—Religious Squalls prostrate some
          Plantations.—Indian Tempests uproot others.—Growth of
          Virginia, although Queen Elizabeth a _femme
          sole_.—Clergymen’s Settlements.—Brides unsettled.—Drake
          around the World.


 II.    THE SETTLEMENTS OF VIRGINIA, DELAWARE, MARYLAND, THE
          CAROLINAS, AND GEORGIA                                      95

        Colored Views whitened.—Blue Ridges and Black Welts in
          Virginia.—Virginia, smothered up in Infancy by Charters,
          survives Royal Nursing.—Her Vigilance against her
          Suitors.—Cotton introduced.—How the World managed
          previously.—Charles I. and his numerous
          Autographs.—Georgia and Oglethorpe.—Charleston set up.—A
          Point on Old Point Comfort.—Tobacco first piped
          about.—Unmarried Girls as Articles of Import.—Estimated
          in, if not by, Pounds.—The Fancy Constitution of John
          Locke for North Carolina.—Its own Length but Short
          Life.—South Carolina Rivers do not run up.—Popular
          Errors corrected.—John Wesley.—Singular Effect of his
          Preaching on the Indians.—Maryland as a Duck of a Colony
          canvassed.


 III.   JOHN SMITH                                                   106

        John Smith historically considered.—The Number in Leading
          Cities stated.—How classified.—Why he is not put in a
          separate Volume or in an Appendix.—Origin of the
          Smiths.—American Genealogical Trees.—Smiths up a Stump,
          in the Sap, and dangling from the Branches.—The
          Antiquity and Ubiquity of the Smiths.—Variety and Extent
          of their Occupations and Operations.—Will probably in
          time own all the World.—Comic Situations of John Smiths
          in Cities, at Family Dinner-Parties, at Prayer-Meetings,
          at Balls, in Titles to Real Estate, etc.—Whether he can
          be sued.—Other Legal Questions in reference to him
          considered.—John Smith of Pocahontas Fame a Myth.


 IV.    OF THE SETTLEMENT OF THE NEW ENGLAND STATES                  115

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

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