The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
And so John Smith finds appropriate place, not only in every history,
but a special niche and chapter to himself. We might perhaps have put
this select mention of a great public benefactor, an erudite scholar,
and universal toiler, into a note, smothered up in an appendix, dimmed
by the milky-way of small asterisks, and hazily obscured by countless
references and authorities; but this injustice to the merits of an
ancient family, whose tombs mound every churchyard, and whose
door-plates shine on almost every house in our cities and towns not
appropriated to drugs, groceries, or confectioneries, would, we are
persuaded, sorely wound the public conscience.
The origin of the Smiths, like that of so many other distinguished
families, is involved in distressing doubt. Audacious investigation,
with a natural wish to penetrate to the roots, and too fearless of
consequences where prudence perhaps might be better satisfied with a
limited view of ancestry, has pressed its inquiries up and down
genealogical trees until it has unearthed Smiths at the base, Smiths in
the sap, Smiths up the stump, and even Smiths dangling at the end of the
branches. No nation looks down in theory from such lofty heights of
indifference upon ancestral distinctions as the American; none can
better afford to cut down their genealogical, as they do their natural,
forests; yet none are so fond of looking up to these airy and waving
altitudes, and none that more carefully spare the tree which in youth
sheltered them, and which waves, like the flag, long and fruity to their
eyes. An American book of leading families would be larger than the
London Directory, and make the fortune of even the Congressional
Printer. True, the family herald would in nearly all these cases, like
the chroniclers of ancient states, and the biographer of the Smiths, be
obliged to substitute foggy conjecture for well-defined tracings. They
would all find that their researches would, if carried back far enough,
converge to the same focal point; and if produced at equal distances in
the future, diffuse themselves into a common social, monetary, and
undistinguishing equality: for families and states are much like boys at
the ends of a balanced board, now up, now down, at one time touching the
ground, then curving upward through medium spaces to a culminating
point, while some one at the other end is noiselessly passing through a
reversed career.
And so John Smith balances and pendulates on the same board with a Van
Rensselaer, John Brown with a Tozewell, Mr. Snooks with a Winthrop, and
John Doe with a Hampton.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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