The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
There is, we think, but little doubt that the Hebrew Samson, the Greek
Hercules, the Spanish Cid, the Scandinavian Thor, and the English Arthur
of the Round Table, were each the John Smith of his nation and time, a
multiform unity swinging round the circle of varied labor, hard work,
and heroic deeds, accomplishing under one name—a family one, possessed
at various times by several individuals—the work of all reapers,
sewing-machines, cow-milkers, cotton and woollen factories. These
national heroes, like the John Smiths, their descendants now, were
arrayed in warm climates in a fragmentary style of short dress; in the
middle regions in a Highland garb, appropriately frilled or furred; and
in the north with a canine material, heroic in quality, and modishly
artistical,—a bark.
The most reliable studies trace the smith genealogy back to Vulcan’s
workshop, the original Smith being one of those employed on designs for
Achilles’s shield,—a claim which experts in coats-of-arms will not
readily stamp as a forge-ry.
[Illustration:
ORIGINAL FULL-LENGTH PORTRAIT OF JOHN SMITH.
(p. 110)
]
As there is no period of history without its John Smith, so there is no
profession that does not enroll, no trade that does not contain, no
occupation, from an office-holder’s up to that of an honest man’s, that
does not embrace his name. Everywhere, on the sea and land; between
every parallel of latitude, almost between every pair of sheets; at
every pole and at every polling-place; on all rivers and in every
strait; at every point, and even at Point-no-point; on the top, at the
middle and bottom of every hill, enterprise, company, board of
directors, and job; in all churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples;
preaching, singing, and listening; talking all tongues, as well as
curing, drying, and eating them; in prisons, police-stations, pulpits,
grand-jury and other boxes; to-day hung, to-morrow putting on his black
cap and sentencing the culprit to the rope’s end, and the day following
condemning a pair to a less hempen noose; in the pugilistic ring, or
ecclesiastical fight; the actor on the stage, and at the same time the
spectator in the box, looking at himself personating his own
character,—for every character is his,—everywhere, and in everything, is
found this jolly, morose, lazy, active, sleepy, wakeful, fighting,
pacific, coarse, refined, fat, lean, tall, short, blue-eyed, black-eyed
John Smith.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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