The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The first log-cabin builders, who had themselves fled from the knife of
the law, whetted it to a keen edge and turned it upon their
fellow-sufferers, who differed from them in their religious or moral
sentiments. Profane swearing, tippling, taking interest on loans of
money, and wearing expensive jewelry became legal crimes, among those
who had suppressed with Spartan rigor their exercise in themselves and
their families. The next generation, in 1658, could not tolerate drab
coats or drab principles, and sought to put down the new fashions by
hanging up several of their owners in them. The wood-colored styles
multiplied of course, notwithstanding the crimson mode of dealing with
them,—a mode which, whenever mentioned, brings up a flush on every fair
New England cheek to this day. The flush is not likely to be left
unsummoned so long as the enemies of New England have any ink left, or
so long as her own gifted sons preserve in choicest amber the
well-embalmed and dramatic specimens.
In 1635 Roger Williams, illuminated by principles of religious
toleration, unkindled as yet in the Puritan settlements of Massachusetts
Bay, Salem, and Boston, carried his softly burning torch out of the
reach of the chill breath of the General Court, which sought in vain to
blow out the wavering flame.
He pitched his tent on the Blackstone River where it widens into
Narragansett Bay, and there grafted such a lovely little bud of
religious equality upon the old trunk of settled law, that, swelling
under Providence into the State of Rhode Island, it has become one of
the finest fruit-trees in our American orchard. Some people, of aquatic
notions and learning their geography in the pitching hold of a yacht,
have erroneously supposed that Rhode Island was included in the state of
Newport. Such notions rest on very sandy foundations, and are no more to
be trusted than the speculations of the idly learned about the round
tower of that resort for capital sea-bathing.
The settlement of Rhode Island, like the other American plantations, was
kept alive and stirring by Indian wars; but, aided by the Narragansetts,
she succeeded at last, after attempting to bury their hatchets, in
burying the Pequods themselves, leaving not one to perpetuate the seed.
Meanwhile, the valley of the Connecticut, visited by exploring parties
from Plymouth Colony under the younger Winthrop, and by heavy flanked
Dutchmen from the island of Manhattan, had also attracted attention to
its valuable real estate; and its lots of course were mapped out and
deeded in that first-class broker’s office, the Court of Charles I.,
situated in London.
Wethersfield, although it then had no onions to affect their eyes, made
the mouths of a party of emigrants, who went there under Hooker in June,
1636, to water pleasantly, as they gaped over its broad meadow-lands,
shaded with huge trees, and dipping their heavy grasses into the wide
and flowing river.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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