The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Beautiful were the sights which greeted the eye of the adventurous Dutch
navigator, as on the twenty-third day of September, 1609, he cast anchor
in the broad bay of New York. On every side the shores were feathered by
woods, freshly painted by the liberal hand of an American autumn. The
varied trees, the golden willow, the scarlet sumach, the red and white
maples, the sassafras, mixing with the oaks and beeches and the
birch,—unassociated as yet with schools or discipline,—had begun to
blaze in their varied gorgeous hues, and their leaves to cover the
ground with carpets of beautiful patterns. Upon the branches climbed
vines that fell from tree to tree, draping them in garments whose
innocent height rivalled those of the Indians who found shelter beneath
them.
Through these woods the mocking-bird trilled its varied song, its
original strains almost as liquid and sweet as those of its mimic
successor, the unfeathered biped who now lures the modern New-Yorker to
greenly arching saloons, and there exchanges notes with him. The
humming-bird, too, darted in sparkles through the leafy avenues,—not as
now carried upon the top of a lady’s head, but dipping its own bill in
the wild flowers that hung through all the Boweries of Manhattan.
Pigeons, unplucked, sped unhurt through all the saloons of nature.
Doves, not those mellifluous names that invite to restaurants, and there
present their dear bills to the stranger, but the gayly plumed and
round-necked birds, cooed in the thickets. Coveys of quails occupied the
place of those other coveys, which, turned to jail-birds, now flutter
behind bars. Here and there troops of wild turkey wheeled in long
circles, instead of dangling, as now, by one leg in front of a Broadway
market.
In the untroubled waters oysters made their own beds, and tucked
themselves in as they saw fit, undisturbed by the injurious names of
hard shell which a party of frogs or others might croak out around them.
The opossum had not yet lent its name to deceitful concealments, but
openly showed its offspring in its domestic pouch.
Turtles, although wearing the green, innocently walked around with their
feet upon the honest earth, instead of spreading them upwards in the
air, with their backs uneasily indorsing the city’s dirty sidewalks,
their office-like fatness attracting the liquorish eye of some gourmand.
Even the bears licked their own cubs with innocent delight, not only in
Wall Street, but in all the unwalled places in and about New York. The
thrifty otter—the only banker on the whole island—made his deposits in
safety; nor was he frightened, as he slowly accumulated the savings of
his well-spent life, by the lively sallies of the jackdaw, carrying ever
with him the burglarious instruments of his trade; nor heeded the
harmless slanders of the woodpecker, as he gratified his strange taste
in finding out and exploring the tender or rotten character of the
neighboring trees.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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