The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
One of Kieft’s first acts was to protest against the Minuit, or Swedish
jig, which Peter was dancing with his lively company on the Delaware.
The protest was, like so many others since issued from New York, only
made a note of, but left unheeded. Sharper protests, backed by bayonets
and knapsacks provisioned with good long sausages, were, two years
later, made against the Indians of Long Island, who, egged on by the
Swedes of the south, and the sleek Pilgrims on the Connecticut, kindled
their fires on Staten Island, and threatened to eat their omelets in New
Amsterdam itself. For five long years were those Indian eggs and the
colony over the fire. At last the Iroquois called away the coppery
cooks, and the boiling waters simmered down again. The colony enlarged
itself. Broom-corn waved along the Mohawk River; Dutch pigs were made
into head-cheese in Schenectady; and Dutch cabbages, sweltered in large
hogs-heads, came out sour-kraut for purple-colored families all up the
valley, still so plentifully sprinkled with Dutch hamlets, baptized with
genuine Holland names. The warm hearts of the colonists blunted Indian
hostilities, as their thick heads, almost impenetrable to anything but
three meals a day, defied their tomahawks.
In 1647 Kieft was recalled, and Peter Stuyvesant reigned in his stead.
His combustible temper was kept constantly crackling, like a bunch of
fire-crackers, during the sixteen years he headed the Dutch settlements
in America. His wooden leg, like Santa Anna’s in our own day, seemed
ever stirring up the fires to renewed blazes. On all sides he was
scorched. The wood, long seasoning, piled up by the colonists in
Connecticut, and in the territory since divided up into Delaware,
Pennsylvania, and New Jersey, was kindled into a hot flame. Permission
to the former, in 1650, to extend their settlements up to Oyster Bay on
Long Island, and to Greenwich on the main-land, only whet their
appetites for other kinds of oysters and new beds. Five years later, and
the fiery Stuyvesant led a regiment of six hundred men against
Christiana, and, reducing it to silence, brought his victorious troops
back again; the colony now having a liberal supply of candidates for all
its offices for that generation. Whether the burgomaster of New
Amsterdam and the five scheppens took occasion of the return of these
troops to vote themselves suppers, medals, and free rides around the
island, is very doubtful, as contemporary accounts are mute on the
subject.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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