And first I sang as I in dream have seen Music wait on a lyrist for some thought, Yet singing to herself until it came. I turned to those old times and scenes where all That's beautiful had birth for me, and made Rude verses on them all; and then I paused-- I had done nothing, so I sought to know What other minds achieved. No fear outbroke As on the works of mighty bards I gazed, In the first joy at finding my own thoughts Recorded, my own fancies justified, And their aspirings but my very own. With them I first explored passion and mind,-- All to begin afresh! I rather sought To rival what I wondered at than form Creations of my own; if much was light Lent by the others, much was yet my own. I paused again: a change was coming--came: I was no more a boy, the past was breaking Before the future and like fever worked. I thought on my new self, and all my powers Burst out. I dreamed not of restraint, but gazed On all things: schemes and systems went and came, And I was proud (being vainest of the weak) In wandering o'er thought's world to seek some one To be my prize, as if you wandered o'er The White Way for a star. And my choice fell Not so much on a system as a man-- On one, whom praise of mine shall not offend, Who was as calm as beauty, being such Unto mankind as thou to me, Pauline,-- Believing in them and devoting all His soul's strength to their winning back to peace; Who sent forth hopes and longings for their sake, Clothed in all passion's melodies: such first Caught me and set me, slave of a sweet task, To disentangle, gather sense from song: Since, song-inwoven, lurked there words which seemed A key to a new world, the muttering Of angels, something yet unguessed by man. How my heart leapt as still I sought and found Much there, I felt my own soul had conceived, But there living and burning! Soon the orb Of his conceptions dawned on me; its praise Lives in the tongues of men, men's brows are high When his name means a triumph and a pride, So, my weak voice may well forbear to shame What seemed decreed my fate: I threw myself To meet it, I was vowed to liberty, Men were to be as gods and earth as heaven, And I--ah, what a life was mine to prove! My whole soul rose to meet it. Now, Pauline, I shall go mad, if I recall that time!