Presently a perfeckly orful lookin female presented herself at the door.  Her gownd was skanderlusly short and her trowsis was shameful to behold. She eyed me over very sharp, and then startin back she sed, in a wild voice: "Ah, can it be?" "Which?" sed I. "Yes, 'tis troo, O 'tis troo!" "15 cents, marm," I anserd. She bust out a cryin & sed: "And so I hav found you at larst--at larst, O at larst!" "Yes," I anserd, "you hav found me at larst, and you would hav found me at fust, if you had cum sooner." She grabd me vilently by the coat collar, and brandishin her umbreller wildly round, exclaimed: "Air you a man?" Sez I, "I think I air, but if you doubt it, you can address Mrs. A. Ward, Baldinsville, Injianny, postage pade, & she will probly giv you the desired informashun." "Then thou ist what the cold world calls marrid?" "Madam, I istest!" The exsentric female then clutched me franticly by the arm and hollered: "You air mine, O you air mine!" "Scacely," I sed, endeverin to git loose from her.  But she clung to me and sed: "You air my Affinerty!" "What upon arth is that?" I shouted. "Dost thou not know?" "No, I dostent!" "Listin man, & I'll tell ye!" sed the strange female; "for years I hav yearned for thee.  I knowd thou wast in the world, sumwhares, tho I didn't know whare.  My hart sed he would cum and I took courage.  He HAS cum--he's here--you air him--you air my Affinerty! O 'tis too mutch! too mutch!" and she sobbed agin. "Yes," I anserd, "I think it is a darn site too mutch!" "Hast thou not yearned for me?" she yelled, ringin her hands like a female play acter. "Not a yearn!" I bellerd at the top of my voice, throwin her away from me. The free lovers who was standin round obsarvin the scene commenst for to holler "shame" "beast," etsettery, etsettery. I was very mutch riled, and fortifyin myself with a spare tent stake, I addrest them as follers: "You pussylanermus critters, go way from me and take this retchid woman with you.  I'm a law-abidin man, and beleeve in good, old-fashioned institutions.  I am marrid & my orfsprings resemble me if I am a showman!  I think your Affinity bizniss is cussed noncents, besides bein outrajusly wicked.  Why don't you behave desunt like other folks?  Go to work and earn a honist livin and not stay round here in this lazy, shiftless way, pizenin the moral atmosphere with your pestifrous ideas!  You wimin folks go back to your lawful husbands if you've got any, and take orf them skanderlous gownds and trowsis, and dress respectful like other wimin.  You men folks, cut orf them pirattercal whiskers, burn up them infurnel pamplits, put sum weskuts on, go to work choppin wood, splittin fence rales, or tillin the sile."  I pored 4th my indignashun in this way till I got out of breth, when I stopt.  I shant go to Berlin Hites agin, not if I live to be as old as Methooseler. ____________________ A VISIT TO BRIGHAM YOUNG.