The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return — John Shaqi
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and ReturnWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
Back to Austin. We lose our way, and hitching our horses to a
tree, go in search of some human beings. The night is very dark.
We soon stumble upon a camp-fire, and an unpleasantly modulated
voice asks us to say our prayers, adding that we are on the point
of going to Glory with our boots on. I think perhaps there may be
some truth in this, as the mouth of a horse-pistol almost grazes my
forehead, while immediately behind the butt of that death-dealing
weapon I perceive a large man with black whiskers. Other large men
begin to assemble, also with horse-pistols. Dr. Hingston hastily
explains, while I go back to the carriage to say my prayers, where
there is more room. The men were miners on a prospecting tour, and
as we advanced upon them without sending them word they took us for
highway robbers.
I must not forget to say that my brave and kind-hearted friend
Ryder of the mail coach, who had so often alluded to "Ward" in our
ride from Virginia to Austin, was among my hearers at Big Creek.
He had discovered who I was, and informed me that he had debated
whether to wollop me or give me some rich silver claims.
4.9. GREAT SALT LAKE CITY.
How was I to be greeted by the Mormons? That was rather an
exciting question with me. I had been told on the plains that a
certain humorous sketch of mine (written some years before) had
greatly incensed the Saints, and a copy of the Sacramento "Union"
newspaper had a few days before fallen into my hands in which a
Salt Lake correspondent quite clearly intimated that my reception
at the new Zion might be unpleasantly warm. I ate my dinner
moodily and sent out for some cigars. The venerable clerk brought
me six. They cost only two dollars. They were procured at a store
near by. The Salt Lake House sells neither cigars nor liquors.
I smoke in my room, having no heart to mingle with the people in
the office.
Dr. Hingston "thanks God he never wrote against the Mormons," and
goes out in search of a brother Englishman. Comes back at night
and says there is a prejudice against me. Advises me to keep in.
Has heard that the Mormons thirst for my blood and are on the
lookout for me.
Under these circumstances I keep in.
The next day is Sunday, and we go to the Tabernacle, in the
morning. The Tabernacle is located on -- street, and is a long
rakish building of adobe, capable of seating some twenty-five
hundred persons. There is a wide platform and a rather large
pulpit at one end of the building, and at the other end is another
platform for the choir. A young Irishman of the name of Sloan
preaches a sensible sort of discourse, to which a Presbyterian
could hardly have objected. Last night this same Mr. Sloan enacted
a character in a rollicking Irish farce at the theatre! And he
played it well, I was told; not so well, of course, as the great
Dan Bryant could; but I fancy he was more at home in the Mormon
pulpit than Daniel would have been.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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