The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and ReturnWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
It didn't strike me as much of a joke to pay a hundred and
seventy-five dollars in gold fare, and then be horse-whipped by
stage-drivers, for declining to chase mules. But people's ideas
of humor differ in regard to shrewdness which "reminds me of a
little story."
Sitting in a New England country store one day I overheard the
following dialogue between two brothers:
"Say, Bill, wot you done with that air sorrel mare of yourn?"
"Sold her," said William, with a smile of satisfaction.
"Wot'd you git?"
"Hund'd an' fifty dollars, cash deown!"
"Show! Hund'd an' fifty for that kickin' spavin'd critter! Who'd
you sell her to?"
"Sold her to mother!"
"Wot!" exclaimed brother No. 1, "did you railly sell that kickin'
spavin'd critter to mother? Wall, you AIR a shrewd one!"
A Sensation--Arrival by the Overland Stage of two Missouri girls,
who had come unescorted all the way through. They are going to
Nevada territory to join their father. They are pretty, but,
merciful heavens! how they throw the meat and potatoes down their
throats. "This is the first squar' meal we've had since we left
Rocky Thompson's," said the eldest. Then addressing herself to me,
she said:
"Air you the literary man?"
I politely replied that I was one of "them fellers."
"Wall, don't make fun of our clothes in the papers. We air goin'
right through in these here clothes, WE air! We ain't goin' to RAG
OUT till we git to Nevady! Pass them sassiges!"
4.12. BRIGHAM YOUNG.
Brigham Young sends word I may see him tomorrow. So I go to bed
singing the popular Mormon hymn:
"Let the chorus still be sung,
Long live Brother Brigham Young,
And blessed be the vale of Desere't--ret--ret!
And blessed be the vale of Deseret."
At two o'clock the next afternoon Mr. Hiram B. Clawson, Brigham
Young's son-in-law and chief business manager, calls for me with
the Prophet's private sleigh, and we start for that distinguished
person's block.
I am shown into the Prophet's chief office. He comes forward,
greets me cordially, and introduces me to several influential
Mormons who are present.
Brigham Young is 62 years old, of medium height, and with sandy
hair and whiskers. An active, iron man, with a clear sharp eye.
A man of consummate shrewdness--of great executive ability. He
was born in the State of Vermont, and so by the way was Heber C.
Kimball, who will wear the Mormon Belt when Brigham leaves the
ring.
Brigham Young is a man of great natural ability. If you ask me,
How pious is he? I treat it as a conundrum, and give it up.
Personally he treated me with marked kindness throughout my sojourn
in Utah.
His power in Utah is quite as absolute as that of any living
sovereign, yet he uses it with such consummate shrewdness that his
people are passionately devoted to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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