The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 6: Artemus Ward's PanoramaWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 6: Artemus Ward's Panorama
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
The President of this remarkable community--the head of the
Mormon Church--is Brigham Young.--He is called President
Young--and Brother Brigham. He is about 54 years old--
altho' he doesn't look to be over 45. He has sandy hair and
whiskers--is of medium height--and is a little inclined to
corpulency. He was born in the State of Vermont. His power
is more absolute than that of any living sovereign--yet he
uses it with such consummate discretion that his people are
almost madly devoted to him--and that they would cheerfully
die for him if they thought the sacrifice were demanded--I
cannot doubt.
He is a man of enormous wealth.--One-tenth of everything
sold in the territory of Utah goes to the Church--and Mr.
Brigham Young is the Church. It is supposed that he
speculates with these funds--at all events--he is one of the
wealthiest men now living--worth several millions--without
doubt.--He is a bold--bad man--but that he is also a man of
extraordinary administrative ability no one can doubt who
has watched his astounding career for the past ten years.
It is only fair for me to add that he treated me with marked
kindness during my sojourn in Utah.
(Picture of) West Side of Main Street, Salt Lake City. (A
wagon and team stand outside the "City Bathing House" and a
pennant flies over the "temperance hotel.")
The West Side of Main Street--Salt Lake City--including a
view of the Salt Lake Hotel. It is a temperance hotel. (At
the date of our visit, there was only one place in Salt Lake
City where strong drink was allowed to be sold. Brigham
Young himself owned the property, and vended the liquor by
wholesale, not permitting any of it to be drunk on the
premises. It was a coarse, inferior kind of whisky, known
in Salt Lake as "Valley Tan." Throughout the city there was
no drinking-bar nor billiard room, so far as I am aware.
But a drink on the sly could always be had at one of the
hard-goods stores, in the back office behind the pile of
metal saucepans; or at one of the dry-goods stores, in the
little parlor in the rear of the bales of calico. At the
present time I believe that there are two or three open bars
in Salt Lake, Brigham Young having recognized the right of
the "Saints" to "liquor up" occasionally. But whatever
other failings they may have, intemperance cannot be laid to
their charge. Among the Mormons there are no paupers, no
gamblers, and no drunkards.) I prefer temperance hotels--
altho' they sell worse liquor than any other kind of hotels.
But the Salt Lake Hotel sells none--nor is there a bar in
all Salt Lake City--but I found when I was thirsty--and I
generally am--that I could get some very good brandy of one
of the Elders--on the sly--and I never on any account allow
my business to interfere with my drinking.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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