The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 6: Artemus Ward's PanoramaWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 6: Artemus Ward's Panorama
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
Should the Mormons continue unmolested--I think they will
complete this rather remarkable edifice.
(Picture of the) Great Salt Lake.
Great Salt Lake.--The great salt dead sea of the desert.
I know of no greater curiosity than this inland sea of thick
brine. It is eighty miles wide--and one hundred and thirty
miles long. Solid masses of salt are daily washed ashore in
immense heaps--and the Mormon in want of salt has only to go
to the shore of this lake and fill his cart. Only--the salt
for table use has to be subjected to a boiling process.
These are facts--susceptible of the clearest possible proof.
They tell one story about this lake--however--that I have my
doubts about. They say a Mormon farmer drove forty head of
cattle in there once--and they came out firstrate pickled
beef.--
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
I sincerely hope you will excuse my absence--I am a man
short--and have to work the moon myself. (Here Artemus
would leave the rostrum for a few moments, and pretend to be
engaged behind. The picture was painted for a night-scene,
and the effect intended to be produced was that of the moon
rising over the lake and rippling on the waters. It was
produced in the usual dioramic way, by making the track of
the moon transparent and throwing the moon on from the
bull's eye of the lantern. When Artemus went behind, the
moon would become nervous and flickering, dancing up and
down in the most inartistic and undecided manner. The
result was that, coupled with the lecturer's oddly expressed
apology, the "moon" became one of the best laughed-at parts
of the entertainment.)
I shall be most happy to pay a good salary to any
respectable boy of good parentage and education who is a
good moonist.
(Picture of) The Endowment House.
In this building the Mormon is initiated into the mysteries
of the faith.
Strange stories are told of the proceedings which are held
in this building--but I have no possible means of knowing
how true they may be.
Salt Lake City is fifty-five miles behind us--and this is
Echo Canyon--in reaching which we are supposed to have
crossed the summit of the Wahsatch Mountains. These
ochre-colored bluffs--formed of conglomerate sandstone--and
full of fossils--signal the entrance to the Canyon. At its
base lies Weber Station.
Echo Canyon is about twenty-five miles long. It is really
the sublimest thing between the Missouri and the Sierra
Nevada. The red wall to the left develops farther up the
Canyon into pyramids--buttresses--and castles--honey-combed
and fretted in nature's own massive magnificence of
architecture.
In 1856--Echo Canyon was the place selected by Brigham Young
for the Mormon General Wells to fortify and make impregnable
against the advance of the American army--led by General
Albert Sidney Johnson. It was to have been the Thermopylae
of Mormondom--but it wasn't general Wells was to have done
Leonidas--but he didn't.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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