Life iz like a mountain--after climbing up one side and sliding down the other, put up the sled. When a man proves a literary failure, he generally sets up for a critick, and like the fox in the fable, who had lost hiz brush in a trap, kant see a nice long tail without hankering tew bob it. The devil owes most ov his success tew the fackt that he iz alwus on hand. Coquetts often beat up the game, while the Prudes bag it. Thare iz only one excuse for impudence, and that iz ignoranse. Modest men, in trieing tew be impudent, alwus git sassy. Reputashun iz like money--the principal is often lost by putting it out at interest. Jealousy is nothing more than vanity, for _if_ we love another more than we do ourselfs we shant be jealous. Thare iz lots ov folks in this world who, rather than not find enny fault at all, wouldn’t hesitate tew say tew an angle worm, that hiz tail waz altogether too long for the rest ov hiz boddy. Thare iz menny who are kut out for smart men, but who won’t pay for making up. Envy iz an insult tew a man’s good sense; for envy iz the pain we feel at the excellencies ov others. How menny people thare iz whoze souls lay in them, like the pith in a goose quill. ODS AND ENS. Natur never makes enny blunders. When she makes a phool she means it. I hav finally cum tew the konklusion that the majority ov mankind kan be edukated on the back better than in the brain, for good clothes will often make a phool respectable, while edukashun only serves tew show his weak pints. I never knu a man yet whoze name waz _George Washington Lafayette Goodrich, Esq._, and who alwus sighned hiz name for the full amount, but what waz a bigger man on paper than he waz by natur. As a gineral thing an individual who iz neat in hiz person iz neat in hiz morals. Man iz mi brother, and I konsider that i am nearer related tew him thru hiz vices than i am thru hiz virtews. Thare iz nothing about which the world makes so few blunders, and the individual so menny, as a man’s acktual importanse among hiz fellow critters. A man with a very small head iz like a pin without enny, very apt tew git into things beyond hiz depth. The pashuns ov an old man are often like hiz teeth, they cease to trouble him, simply bekauze the nerve is ded. [Illustration] The only pedigree worth transmitting iz virtew, and this iz the very thing that kant be transmitted. Affecktashun haz made more phools than the Lord haz. About the nearest tew absolute insolvency that a man kan git in this world, and think he iz dieing rich, iz to leave nothing but a pedigree tew hiz family. I don’t pretend tew hav enny less vile pashuns than my nabors, but i do despize the person, most heartily, who caters tew thoze i hav got. The man who kant find enny thing to do in this world, iz az bad oph az a yearling heffer. Thare iz no pashun ov the human heart that promises so much and pays so little az revenge.