Thare haint no man yet lived long enuff in this world tew doubt the infalibility ov hiz judgement. Thare iz this odds between a humorous lekter and a scientiffick one, yu hav got to understand the humorous lektur tew enjoy it, but you kan enjoy the scientiffick one without understanding it. It iz but a step from zeal tew bigotry, but it iz a step that iz most generally taken. Don’t lay enny certain plans for the fewter, it iz like planting tuds, and expekting tew raze tudstools. No man yet who had strength ov mind enuff ever resorted tew cunning. Cunning iz haff brother tew fear, and they are both ov them weakness. Natur once in a while makes a phool, but az a general thing phools, like garments, are made tew order. A man who iz good company for himself is alwus good company for others. Genuine praize consists in naming a man’s faultz to hiz face, and hiz good qualitys tew hiz back. One ov the best temporary cures for pride and affektashun that i hav ever seen tried iz sea sickness; a man who wants tew vomit never puts on airs. A fault concealed iz but little better than one indulged in. Witty speeches are like throwing stones at a target, the more time spent in taking aim, the less danger thare iz in hitting the mark. I have alwus noticed one thing, when a person bekums disgusted with this world, and konkludes to withdraw from it, the world very kindly lets the person went. Woman haz no friendships. She either loves, despises, or hates. A day in the life ov an old man iz like one ov the last days in the fall ov the year, every hour brings a change in the weather. I love tew see an old person joyfull, but not kickuptheheels-full. A coquette in love iz just about az tame az a bottle ov ginger pop that haz stood sum time with the cork pulled out. Human happiness iz like the Hottentott language, enny boddy kan talk it well enuff, but thare ain’t but phew can understand it. Gravity iz no more evidence of wisdom than a paper colar iz ov a shirt. Whatever Providence haz given us the fakulty tew do, he haz given us the power tew do. Thare iz a grate menny folks in this world who are like little flies; grate bores without meaning or knowing it. Great iniquitys seem tew baptize themselfs. If the devil had only been guilty of petty larcency he wouldn’t hav bin heard ov agin. The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord. All the good injuns die young. * * * * * How menny men thare is who argy, just as a bull dus, chained tew a post; they beller and paw, but they kant git away from the post. I hav herd a grate deal ced about “_broken hartes_,” and thare may be a fu ov them, but mi experiense is that nex tew the gizzard, the harte is the tuffest peace ov meat in the whole critter. I hav finally kum tu the konklusion, that a good reliable sett ov bowels, iz wurth more tu a man, than enny quantity ov brains.