A praktikal joke iz like a fall on the ice, thare may be phun in it, but the one that falls kant alwus see it. The soundest wisdum cums from experience, but thare iz a nearer road to it allmost az sure--reading and reflekshun. He who reads and don’t reflekt, iz like the one who eats and don’t exercise. The best reformers the world haz ever seen are thoze who commense on themselfs. He who simply repents ov a sin pays only 50 cents on a dollar, while he who forsakes it pays one hundred. The more a person hunts for the mote in hiz brother’s eye the plainer he will diskover--if he iz a man ov sense--the beam in his own. People are more apt tew make a shield ov their religion than they are a pruning-hook. Religion iz too often kut az the clothes are, ackording tew the prevailing fashun. It iz eazier tew be virtewous than it iz tew appear so, and it pays better. Wicked men should pay homage tew virtew, for though they do not honor her she iz their gratest safeguard. The man who haint got enny religion tew defend won’t defend ennything. Whi iz it that we despize the man who puts himself in our power, and are quite az apt to respekt him just in proporshun az he iz out of our reach. Modesty iz strength, but diffidence iz weakness. Modesty iz always an evidence ov worth, while diffidence may be a consciousness ov evil. Thare iz but very phew real suckcesses in this world that are undeserved. Let no man flatter himself that he kant be spared. Thare iz more people waiting tew step into hiz shuze than he iz aware ov. The longer i liv the more i am convinced that mankind gro _different_ not _worse_. Us old pholks are apt to konfound the terms. A wicked man iz no kompany for himselfs. All people luv authority, but the vulgar luv it the most. It iz eazy enuff tew get at enny man’s wealth, for he that alwus wants more iz poor, and he that would be satisfied with less iz ritch. We pitty others bekauz we are better oph ourselves; the unfortunate dont pitty the unfortunate. Pride and poverty hav travelled together now for about 5 thousand years, and pretend to luv each other, but they kant phool ennyboddy but themselfs. Lazy men are alwuss the most posative. They are too lazy to inform themselfs, and too lazy to change their minds. A man will defend his weak spots a grate deal more sharply than he will hiz strong ones. If men were stubborn just in proporshun az they waz right, stubborness would take her seat among the virtews, but men are generally stubborn just in proporshun az they are ignorant and wrong. Genius after all ain’t ennything more than elegant kommon sense. Thare iz a grate deal ov dignity in this world, that iz komposed entirely ov _dignity_, and nothing else. We hav professors who teach the art ov talking korrektly, whi kant we hav sum who will teach the art ov listening pashuntly. A skeptik iz one who knows too mutch to be a good phool, and too little to be wise.