Mi private opinyun ov angels on arth, az far az I hav sarched iz--from fair to midling. Mi private opinyun ov a braggart iz--that he iz a sheep in wolf’s clothing. Mi private opinyun ov a prude iz, that their gratest anxiety iz tew have their propriety tempted. My private opinyun ov a coquet iz, that if they suckceed in dieing an old maid, they don’t deserve all the punishment they receive. Mi private opinyun ov woman iz, that she iz a natral brick, and she iz a phool just in proporshun that she don’t kno it. Mi private opinyun ov mothers-in-law iz, that they seldum stop short ov their mishun, but are fully equal tew the ockashun. Mi private opinynn ov boys iz, if i hadn’t been one once miself, and a tuff one at that, i should feel like sending the whole ov them, for life, to Botany Bay. Mi private opinyun ov girls iz, the same az it waz 40 years ago, when i fust phell in luv with one ov them. Mi private opinyun ov the mass ov mankind iz, that they hav got more branes in their hearts than they hav in their heds, and i ain’t sorry for it neither. Mi private opinyun iz, that politeness haz won more sudden viktorys than logick haz. Mi private opinyun ov molassis iz, that while it iz dreadful sweet, it iz dreadful sticky too. Mi private opinyun ov dogs iz, that their affeckshun ought almost tew make them immortal. Mi private opinyun ov cats iz, that Judas Iskarriot ought tew hav owned the fust one, and the last one too. My private opinyun ov a mule iz, that he never waz known tew hit enny thing he kouldn’t reach, but iz alwus reddy tew try it. Mi private opinyun ov miself iz that while i keep both eyes on mi nabor I hope they wont fail tew keep one eye on me. My private opinyun iz that here iz a good place tew halt, and i am a big phool if i don’t halt. A SUGGESTSHUN. The morning paper iz just az necessary for an Amerikan az dew iz to the grass. Hot kakes and kaughphy, kodphish bawls, and hash are useful, but the morning paper iz vittles and drink. An Amerikan who haz not red the morning nuze iz not more than haff edukated for that day; he goes tew hiz bizzness haff-doubtful and haff-ashamed ov himself; he iz afrade tew look hiz nabor in the face, and ackts az ignorant az a man in a strange land who don’t understand the language. Every man he meets thru the day tells him sumthing nu, and when he goze home at nite he iz az silent and misterious tew the wife ov hiz buzzum az tho he had lost sumthing. There iz lots ov pholks who git all their larning out ov the morning papers, and when they hav 2 collums ov it laid in they are az phatt with usephull knowledge az the sekretary ov a sowing sosiety. They go round az glib az a boy’s windmill in a good breeze; they ain’t afraid to button-hole ennybody and talk incessintly tew the boy on the korner while he shines up hiz shuze.