LATEST NUZEPAPER TATLINGS. Ebenezer Smith haz sold out hiz tannrey at Pordunk hollow, and bout a house on 5th avenew. The lovely Bridget McGuire (nee chambermaid) will be brought to the alter, sum time this seazon, by the brilliant Dennis O’Tool. Proffessor Norris haz just returned from the north pole, and reports the size ov the pole to be one foot in diameter at the base, and 94 feet hi. He also brought back with him a pair ov web footed duks. [Illustration] The Miss Simphonys, ov Providence, are on a visit tew the Miss Sinbads, ov Lexington avenew--lovely creatures all ov them. Mocking birds’ tongues on toast will be on the bills ov fare, this summer, at the Kontinental Hotel, Long Branch. The Rev. Namby Pamby asked for a 4 thousand dollar hoist in his salary, or dismissal. The congregashun voted unanimus to let him went. (Bully for the kongregashun.) Mrs. Ulrich Nikodemus haz changed the hour ov her resepshuns from haff past 2 o’klok P. M., on Wensdays, to a quarter of 3 on the same day, a change ov 15 minnits. Exchange papers will pleaze coppy. Obadiah Bunkum sold hiz hameltonian pup Jerry, last week, tew Richards, the jews harp solo, for 50 thousand dollars, reserving the collar. This iz spoken ov az so mutch ov a dekline in prices az tew shake the pup market tew its center. It it sed (but not offishall) that Mr. and Mrs. Punchinello will not visit the White Mountains this summer. Their dauter, Betsy Punchinello, iz sed tew be affianced tew the Baron Von Chaulk, and the family will enter seklushun on this account. Dick Blister waz arrested yesterday bi offiser Pinkerton for trieing tew pass a counterfit omnibus on a 50 cent driver ov the 23 street line ov stages. Paul Burdok advertizes for a lost poodle ov the Sanco Panza breed, and offers 40 dollars “for hiz uncerimonious return.” (“Uncerimonious return” iz kussid good.) Rum and tanzy, a popular gargle a hundred years ago, is being revived among the hi toned cirkles. One man in Nu Jersey haz drove all the musketoze oph from a thousand akers ov land, and planted the whole ov the land with rum and tanzy, in antisipashun ov the sharp rally in bitters that may be looked for. Jaw Bone Bill a selebrated brave ov the Ninkumpoop tribe ov injuns, on the June Bug river, Californy, waz lately bit apart bi a grizzly bear. Jaw Bone died pretty soon after the occashun, but the bear lived in grate agony for 4 daze, when deth put an end tew hiz sufferings. Miss Rosa Peachblow, ov Madison avenew sez she iz not affianced tew a prominent Wall street broker, and will giv 5 dollars or thareabouts tew find out who started the fancy sketch. (City papers pleaz copy.) G. W. Carleton, the publisher, will soon issue a book for Josh Billings, entitled “Eggs ov Comfort Laid by the Hen Consolashun.” (This iz a kussid no sich thing.--J. B.) The cirkulashun ov the NEW YORK WEEKLY haz allready reached three hundred thousand, and still iz singing that same old tune, “_Excelsior_.”