“_Cow’s Horn._”--Two bony projeckshuns, curved, crooked or strate, worn bi the cows on the apeks of their heds, for ornament in times ov peace, and used when they go into war tew stab with. Theze horns are a kind ov family rechord. At three years old a ring appears on the bottom ov the horn next tew the hed, and each year after a fresh ring iz born. In this way the cows kno how old they are. [Illustration: IN A HORN.] Sumtimes theze rings fill up the whole horn and grow off onto the adjoining fences in the pasture lot, but this only happens tew very old cows. I never knu it tew happen in mi life, and I dont think it ever did, it iz one ov them venerable lies that are handed down from father to son, just tew keep the stock ov lies from running out. When I waz a boy and had just begun tew chew tobacco, i waz told that butter cum from the cow’s horn--I hav since found out that this iz another cussed old lie. This lieing tew children iz no evidence ov genius, and iz sowing the seeds ov decepshun in a soil too apt bi nature tew covet what aint undoubtedly so. “_Dinner-Horn._”--This is the oldest, and most sakred horn thare iz. It iz set tew musik, and plays “Home, Sweet Home” about noon. It has bin listened tew, with more rapturous delite, than ever Graffula’s band haz. Yu kan hear it further than yu kan one ov Mr. Rodman’s guns. It will arrest a man and bring him in quicker than a sheriff’s warrent. It kan outfoot enny other noize. It kauzes the deaf tew hear, and the dum tew shout for joy. Glorious old instrument! long may yure lungs last! “_Ram’s Horn._”--A spiral root, that emerges suddenly from the figure hed ov the maskuline sheep, and ramafies untill it reaches a tip end. Ram’s horns are alwus a sure sighn ov battle. They are used tew butt with, _but with_ out enny respekt to persons. They will attak a stun wall, or a deakon or an established church. A story iz told ov old deakon Fletcher ov Konnektikutt State, who waz digging post holes in a ram pasture on hiz farm, and the moshun ov hiz boddy waz looked upon, by the old ram, who fed in the lot, az a banter for a fight. Without arrangeing enny terms for the fight, the ram went incontinently for the deakon, and took him, the fust shot, on the blind side ov hiz boddy, jist about the meridian. The blow transposed the deakon sum eighteen feet, with a heels-over-hed moshun. Exhasperated tew a point, at least ten foot beyond endurance, the deakon jumped up, and skreamed his whole voice * * * “yu darned--old cuss,” and then all at once remembering that he waz a good, piuz deakon, he apologized by saying--“_that iz, if I may be allowed the expresshun_.” The deakon haz mi entire simpathy for the remarks made tew the ram. “_Whisky Horn._”--This horn varys in length, but from three to six inches iz the favorite size. It iz different from other horns, being ov a fluid natur. It iz really more pugnashus than the ram’s horn; six inches ov it will knok a man perfekly calm.