There was nothing I could point to with any certainty as having been
disturbed at first. It was a matter of a book misplaced on the table, of
my sewing-basket open when I always leave it closed, of a burnt match on
the floor, whereas it is one of my orderly habits never to leave burnt
matches around. And at last the burnt match became a sort of clue, for I
suspected that it had been used to light one of the candles that sat in
holders of every sort, on the top of the library shelves.
I tried getting up at night and peering over the banisters, but without
result. And I was never sure as to articles that they had been moved.
I remained in that doubting and suspicious halfway ground that is worse
than certainty. And there was the matter of motive. I could not get away
from that. What possible purpose could an intruder have, for instance,
in opening my sewing-basket or moving the dictionary two inches on the
center table?
Yet the feeling persisted, and on the second of August I find this entry
in my journal:
Right-hand brass, eight inches; left-hand brass, seven inches;
carved-wood--Italian--five and three quarter inches each; old glass on
mantelpiece--seven inches. And below this, dated the third: Last night,
between midnight and daylight, the candle in the glass holder on the
right side of the mantel was burned down one and one-half inches.
I should, no doubt, have set a watch on my nightly visitor after making
this discovery--and one that was apparently connected with it--nothing
less than Delia's report that there were candle-droppings over the
border of the library carpet. But I have admitted that this is a study
in fear, and a part of it is my own.
I was afraid. I was afraid of the night visitor, but, more than that,
I was afraid of the fear. It had become a real thing by that time,
something that lurked in the lower back hall waiting to catch me by the
throat, to stop my breath, to paralyze me so I could not escape. I never
went beyond that point.
Yet I am not a cowardly woman. I have lived alone too long for that. I
have closed too many houses at night and gone upstairs in the dark to be
afraid of darkness. And even now I can not, looking back, admit that
I was afraid of the darkness there, although I resorted to the weak
expedient of leaving a short length of candle to burn itself out in the
hall when I went up to bed.
I have seen one of Willie's boys waken up at night screaming with a
terror he could not describe. Well, it was much like that with me,
except that I was awake and horribly ashamed of myself.
On the fourth of August I find in my journal the single word "flour."
It recalls both my own cowardice at that time, and an experiment I made.
The telephone had not bothered us for several nights, and I began to
suspect a connection of this sort: when the telephone rang, there was no
night visitor, and vice versa. I was not certain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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