The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — CompleteRousseau, Jean-Jacques
Philosophy
The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques
Authors, French -- 18th century -- Biography; Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 1712-1778
The good bishop of Bernex, with less wit than Francis of Sales,
resembled him in many particulars, and Madam de Warens, whom he loved
to call his daughter, and who was like Madam de Chantel in several
respects, might have increased the resemblance by retiring like her
from the world, had she not been disgusted with the idle trifling of
a convent. It was not want of zeal prevented this amiable woman from
giving those proofs of devotion which might have been expected from a
new convert, under the immediate direction of a prelate. Whatever might
have influenced her to change her religion, she was certainly sincere
in that she had embraced; she might find sufficient occasion to repent
having abjured her former faith, but no inclination to return to it. She
not only died a good Catholic, but truly lived one; nay, I dare affirm
(and I think I have had the opportunity to read the secrets of her
heart) that it was only her aversion to singularity that prevented her
acting the devotee in public; in a word, her piety was too sincere to
give way to any affectation of it. But this is not the place to enlarge
on her principles: I shall find other occasions to speak of them.
Let those who deny the existence of a sympathy of souls, explain, if
they know how, why the first glance, the first word of Madam de Warens
inspired me, not only with a lively attachment, but with the most
unbounded confidence, which has since known no abatement. Say this was
love (which will at least appear doubtful to those who read the sequel
of our attachment) how could this passion be attended with sentiments
which scarce ever accompany its commencement, such as peace, serenity,
security, and confidence. How, when making application to an amiable and
polished woman, whose situation in life was so superior to mine, so far
above any I had yet approached, on whom, in a great measure, depended
my future fortune by the degree of interest she might take in it; how,
I say with so many reasons to depress me, did I feel myself as free, as
much at my ease, as if I had been perfectly secure of pleasing her! Why
did I not experience a moment of embarrassment, timidity or restraint?
Naturally bashful, easily confused, having seen nothing of the world,
could I, the first time, the first moment I beheld her, adopt caressing
language, and a familiar tone, as readily as after ten years’ intimacy
had rendered these freedoms natural? Is it possible to possess love,
I will not say without desires, for I certainly had them, but without
inquietude, without jealousy? Can we avoid feeling an anxious wish at
least to know whether our affection is returned? Yet such a question
never entered my imagination; I should as soon have inquired, do I love
myself; nor did she ever express a greater degree of curiosity; there
was, certainly, something extraordinary in my attachment to this
charming woman and it will be found in the sequel, that some
extravagances, which cannot be foreseen, attended it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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