Well, Mr. Jonathan, what success with the fair? JONATHAN. Why, such a tarnal cross tike you never saw! You would have counted she had lived upon crab-apples and vinegar for a fortnight. But what the rattle makes you look so tarnation glum? JESSAMY. I was thinking, Mr. Jonathan, what could be the reason of her carrying herself so coolly to you. JONATHAN. Coolly, do you call it? Why, I vow, she was fire-hot angry: may be it was because I buss'd her. JESSAMY. No, no, Mr. Jonathan; there must be some other cause: I never yet knew a lady angry at being kissed. JONATHAN. Well, if it is not the young woman's bashfulness, I vow I can't conceive why she shou'dn't like me. JESSAMY. May be it is because you have not the graces, Mr. Jonathan. JONATHAN. Grace! Why, does the young woman expect I must be converted before I court her? JESSAMY. I mean graces of person: for instance, my lord tells us that we must cut off our nails even at top, in small segments of circles--though you won't understand that--In the next place, you must regulate your laugh. JONATHAN. Maple-log seize it! don't I laugh natural? JESSAMY. That's the very fault, Mr. Jonathan. Besides, you absolutely misplace it. I was told by a friend of mine that you laughed outright at the play the other night, when you ought only to have tittered. JONATHAN. Gor! I--what does one go to see fun for if they can't laugh? JESSAMY. You may laugh; but you must laugh by rule. JONATHAN. Swamp it--laugh by rule! Well, I should like that tarnally. JESSAMY. Why, you know, Mr. Jonathan, that to dance, a lady to play with her fan, or a gentleman with his cane, and all other natural motions, are regulated by art. My master has composed an immensely pretty gamut, by which any lady or gentleman, with a few years' close application, may learn to laugh as gracefully as if they were born and bred to it. JONATHAN. Mercy on my soul! A gamut for laughing--just like fa, la, sol? JESSAMY. Yes. It comprises every possible display of jocularity, from an _affettuoso_ smile to a _piano_ titter, or full chorus _fortissimo_ ha, ha, ha! My master employs his leisure-hours in marking out the plays, like a cathedral chanting-book, that the ignorant may know where to laugh; and that pit, box, and gallery may keep time together, and not have a snigger in one part of the house, a broad grin in the other, and a d----d grum look in the third. How delightful to see the audience all smile together, then look on their books, then twist their mouths into an agreeable simper, then altogether shake the house with a general ha, ha, ha! loud as a full chorus of Handel's at an Abbey-commemoration. JONATHAN. Ha, ha, ha! that's dang'd cute, I swear. JESSAMY. The gentlemen, you see, will laugh the tenor; the ladies will play the counter-tenor; the beaux will squeak the treble; and our jolly friends in the gallery a thorough bass, ho, ho, ho! JONATHAN. Well, can't you let me see that gamut?