The Convert: Deep Waters, Part 5.Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
The Convert: Deep Waters, Part 5.
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
He spent the evening at the Charlton Arms, and, returning late, went
slowly and heavily up to bed. In the light of a shaded candle he saw a
small, objectionable-looking infant fast asleep on two chairs by the side
of the bed.
"H'sh!" said his wife, in a thrilling whisper. "He's just gone off."
"D'ye mean I mustn't open my mouth in my own bedroom?" demanded the
indignant man, loudly.
"H'sh!" said his wife again.
It was too late. Master Smith, opening first one eye and then the other,
finished by opening his mouth. The noise was appalling.
"H'sh! H'sh!" repeated Mrs. Billing, as her husband began to add to the
noise. "Don't wake 'im right up."
"Right up?" repeated the astonished man. "Right up? Why, is he doing
this in 'is sleep?"
He subsided into silence, and, undressing with stealthy care, crept into
bed and lay there, marvelling at his self-control. He was a sound
sleeper, but six times at least he was awakened by Mrs. Billing slipping
out of bed--regardless of draughts to her liege lord--and marching up and
down the room with the visitor in her arms. He rose in the morning and
dressed in ominous silence.
"I 'ope he didn't disturb you," said his wife, anxiously.
"You've done it," replied Mr. Billing. "You've upset everything now.
Since I joined the Purnip lot everybody's took advantage of me; now I'm
going to get some of my own back. You wouldn't ha' dreamt of behaving
like this a few weeks ago."
"Oh, Joe!" said his wife, entreatingly; "and everybody's been so happy!"
"Except me," retorted Joe Billing. "You come down and get my breakfast
ready. If I start early I shall catch Mr. Bill Ricketts on 'is way to
work. And mind, if I find that steam-orgin 'ere when I come 'ome
to-night you'll hear of it."
He left the house with head erect and the light of battle in his eyes,
and, meeting Mr. Ricketts at the corner, gave that justly aggrieved
gentleman the surprise of his life. Elk Street thrilled to the fact that
Mr. Billing had broken out again, and spoke darkly of what the evening
might bring forth. Curious eyes followed his progress as he returned
home from work, and a little later on the news was spread abroad that he
was out and paying off old scores with an ardour that nothing could
withstand.
"And wot about your change of 'art?" demanded one indignant matron, as
her husband reached home five seconds ahead of Mr. Billing and hid in the
scullery.
"It's changed agin," said Mr. Billing, simply.
He finished the evening in the Blue Lion, where he had one bar almost to
himself, and, avoiding his wife's reproachful glance when he arrived
home, procured some warm water and began to bathe his honourable scars.
"Mr. Purnip 'as been round with another gentleman," said his wife.
Mr. Billing said, "Oh!"
"Very much upset they was, and 'ope you'll go and see them," she
continued.
Mr. Billing said "Oh!" again; and, after thinking the matter over, called
next day at the Settlement and explained his position.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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