CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet --two clarionets. CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones. CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history--which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers. CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him. A busy man complained one day: "I get no time!" "What 's that you say?" Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz; "You have, sir, all the time there is. There 's plenty, too, and don't you doubt it-- We 're never for an hour without it." Purzil Crofe. CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many deserving persons wish to obtain. "Close-fisted Scotchman!" Johnson cried To thrifty J. Macpherson; "See me--I 'm ready to divide With any worthy person." Said Jamie: "That is very true-- The boast requires no backing; And all are worthy, sir, to you, Who have what you are lacking." Anita M. Bobe. CONOBITE, or CENOBITE, n. A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness; and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples. O coenobite, O coenobite, Monastical gregarian, You differ from the anchorite, That solitudinarian: With vollied prayers you wound Old Nick; With dropping shots he makes him sick. Quincy Giles. COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by the contemplation of our neighbor's uneasiness. COMMENDATION, n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own. COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasites, logically active, but fortuitously efficient.