English language -- Dictionaries -- Humor; English language -- Semantics -- Humor; Vocabulary -- Humor
CROSS, n. An ancient religious symbol erroneously supposed to owe its
significance to the most solemn event in the history of Christianity,
but really antedating it by thousands of years. By many it has been
believed to be identical with the crux ansata of the ancient phallic
worship, but it has been traced even beyond all that we know of that,
to the rites of primitive peoples. We have today the White Cross as
a symbol of chastity, and the Red Cross as a badge of benevolent
neutrality in war. Having in mind the former, the reverend Father
Gassalasca Jape smites the lyre to the effect following:
"Be good, be good!" the sisterhood
Cry out in holy chorus;
And, to dissuade from sin, parade
Their various charms before us.
But why, O why, has ne'er an eye
Seen her of winsome manner
And youthful grace and pretty face
Flaunting the White Cross banner?
Now where's the need of speech and screed
To better our behaving?
A simpler plan for saving man
(But, first, is he worth saving?)
Is, dears, when he declines to flee
From bad thoughts that beset him,
Ignores the Law as't were a straw,
And wants to sin--don't let him.
CUI BQNO? [Latin] What good would that do me?
CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from
a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great
material adversity. An Italian proverb says: "The furrier gets the skins
of more foxes than asses."
CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a
barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of
its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is
the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love
by a semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds
of an arrow --of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly
to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work--this is
eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the
doorstep of posterity.
CURIOSITY, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to
know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most
active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
CURSE, v. t. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This is
an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly
fatal to the victim. Nevertheless, the liability to a cursing is a risk
that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of life insurance.
CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
D
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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