Strange that in her life, with all the faces seen, and people known, she
had not loved one till she had met Lennan! She had even been sure that
love would never come to her; had not wanted it—very much; had thought
to go on well enough, and pass out at the end, never having known, or
much cared to know, full summer. Love had taken its revenge on her now
for all slighted love offered her in the past; for the one hated love
that had to-night been on its knees to her. They said it must always
come once to every man and woman—this witchery, this dark sweet feeling,
springing up, who knew how or why? She had not believed, but now she
knew. And whatever might be coming, she would not have this different.
Since all things changed, she must change and get old and be no longer
pretty for him to look at, but this in her heart could not change. She
felt sure of that. It was as if something said: This is for ever, beyond
life, beyond death, this is for ever! He will be dust, and you dust, but
your love will live! Somewhere—in the woods, among the flowers, or down
in the dark water, it will haunt! For it only you have lived!... Then
she noticed that a slender silvery-winged thing, unlike any moth she had
ever seen, had settled on her gown, close to her neck. It seemed to be
sleeping, so delicate and drowsy, having come in from the breathless
dark, thinking, perhaps, that her whiteness was a light. What dim memory
did it rouse; something of HIM, something HE had done—in darkness, on a
night like this. Ah, yes! that evening after Gorbio, the little owl-moth
on her knee! He had touched her when he took that cosy wan velvet-eyed
thing off her!
She leaned out for air. What a night!—whose stars were hiding in the
sheer heavy warmth; whose small, round, golden moon had no transparency!
A night like a black pansy with a little gold heart. And silent! For,
of the trees, that whispered so much at night, not even the aspens had
voice. The unstirring air had a dream-solidity against her cheeks. But
in all the stillness, what sentiency, what passion—as in her heart!
Could she not draw HIM to her from those woods, from that dark gleaming
river, draw him from the flowers and trees and the passion-mood of
the sky—draw him up to her waiting here, so that she was no more this
craving creature, but one with him and the night! And she let her head
droop down on her hands.
All night long she stayed there at the window. Sometimes dozing in the
chair; once waking with a start, fancying that her husband was bending
over her. Had he been—and stolen away? And the dawn came; dew-grey,
filmy and wistful, woven round each black tree, and round the white
dove-cot, and falling scarf-like along the river. And the chirrupings of
birds stirred among leaves as yet invisible.
She slept then.
XVIII
When she awoke once more, in daylight, smiling, Cramier was standing
beside her chair. His face, all dark and bitter, had the sodden look of
a man very tired.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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