We had both got up, quickened as by this clearer air, and he had lighted
a cigarette. I had taken a fresh one, which with an intenser smile, by
way of answer to my exclamation, he applied to the flame of his match.
“If I weren’t better I shouldn’t have thought of _that_!” He flourished
his script in his hand.
“I don’t want to be discouraging, but that’s not true,” I returned. “I’m
sure that during the months you lay here in pain you had visitations
sublime. You thought of a thousand things. You think of more and more
all the while. That’s what makes you, if you’ll pardon my familiarity,
so respectable. At a time when so many people are spent you come into
your second wind. But, thank God, all the same, you’re better! Thank
God, too, you’re not, as you were telling me yesterday, ‘successful.’ If
_you_ weren’t a failure what would be the use of trying? That’s my one
reserve on the subject of your recovery—that it makes you ‘score,’ as the
newspapers say. It looks well in the newspapers, and almost anything
that does that’s horrible. ‘We are happy to announce that Mr. Paraday,
the celebrated author, is again in the enjoyment of excellent health.’
Somehow I shouldn’t like to see it.”
“You won’t see it; I’m not in the least celebrated—my obscurity protects
me. But couldn’t you bear even to see I was dying or dead?” my host
enquired.
“Dead—passe encore; there’s nothing so safe. One never knows what a
living artist may do—one has mourned so many. However, one must make the
worst of it. You must be as dead as you can.”
“Don’t I meet that condition in having just published a book?”
“Adequately, let us hope; for the book’s verily a masterpiece.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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