The deserted wifeSouthworth, Emma Dorothy Eliza Nevitte
General
The deserted wife
Southworth, Emma Dorothy Eliza Nevitte
American fiction -- 19th century; Maryland -- Fiction
would be writing or reading, or in any other manner occupied so as to
prevent conversation, she would sit upon the corner of the sofa, and
veiling the splendid fire of her eyes under their long lashes, gaze upon
his form or face, watching its varying expression with all the
enthusiasm of an artist, with all the inspiration of a poet, with all
the adoration of a devotee, with all the love of a woman, a silent and
unnoticed but enraptured worshipper! At such times, carried away, she
would not think of herself at all—at other times a painful feeling or
fancy of self-deficiency would torture her. All who love, who worship,
think more or less humbly of themselves—this feeling is often morbid in
excess or irrationality, and often itself engenders jealousy. In Hagar
this was natural—she was not in her own estimation a tithe so handsome
or _accomplished_ as Raymond, and in the same proportion that she adored
his perfections she depreciated her own attractions. For him she desired
to possess all the gifts of beauty and genius, that she might meet and
supply the wants of his being at every avenue, that she might be the
whole world to him, as he undoubtedly was the whole universe to her. To
her every face looked mean, expressionless, or sensual, compared to his
glorious countenance, in which every passion, malign or benign, became
godlike! to her every tone was harsh and rough, or flat and dull,
compared to his love-tuned voice—he was her music, her poetry, her love,
her religion, her life, soul, and final destiny—her spirit sought unison
with his spirit, ardently, impetuously; she knew in heaven, their
redeemed souls would blend in one—in heaven they would be—_one angel_.
Call this morbid, call this extravagant, reader, yet acknowledge that it
was no _sudden_ passion, that this intense love of one ardent soul had
been growing from the moment that the beautiful youth had lifted the
little ugly infant to his knee, and thenceforth become her adoration,
her idol, her dream of heaven. This passion had increased with years,
every circumstance had only served to augment it, association and
absence, meeting and parting, until their marriage, and then all the
requirements of his regal will, all the sacrifices of her own wishes,
all the struggles of her independence before it was subdued, all the
death throes of her mighty pride before it was annihilated, served but
to draw tighter, to rivet faster the chains that bound her heart to
_his_; her separate soul, will, individuality of which she had boasted
in her haughtiness, fled to him, cleaved to him, seemed blissfully,
divinely lost in him—in heaven they would be one angel, that was her
love, hope, faith, religion, her conception of heaven. Call it insanity,
reader! many minds that pass for sane have in a greater or a less degree
their insanity, in other words their master passion, or their besetting
sin, or both in one.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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