Diary fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Men -- England -- Fiction; Middle class -- Fiction; Suburban life -- Fiction
I must say we were all astounded. I never saw such a resemblance. It
was astonishing. The only person who did not appear interested was the
man Padge, who had got the best arm-chair, and was puffing away at a foul
pipe into the fireplace. After some little time I said; “Why do actors
always wear their hair so long?” Carrie in a moment said, “Mr. Hare
doesn’t wear long _hair_.” How we laughed except Mr. Fosselton, who
said, in a rather patronising kind of way, “The joke, Mrs. Pooter, is
extremely appropriate, if not altogether new.” Thinking this rather a
snub, I said: “Mr. Fosselton, I fancy—” He interrupted me by saying:
“Mr. _Burwin_-Fosselton, if you please,” which made me quite forget what
I was going to say to him. During the supper Mr. Burwin-Fosselton again
monopolised the conversation with his Irving talk, and both Carrie and I
came to the conclusion one can have even too much imitation of Irving.
After supper, Mr. Burwin-Fosselton got a little too boisterous over his
Irving imitation, and suddenly seizing Gowing by the collar of his coat,
dug his thumb-nail, accidentally of course, into Gowing’s neck and took a
piece of flesh out. Gowing was rightly annoyed, but that man Padge, who
having declined our modest supper in order that he should not lose his
comfortable chair, burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter at the
little misadventure. I was so annoyed at the conduct of Padge, I said:
“I suppose you would have laughed if he had poked Mr. Gowing’s eye out?”
to which Padge replied: “That’s right,” and laughed more than ever. I
think perhaps the greatest surprise was when we broke up, for Mr.
Burwin-Fosselton said: “Good-night, Mr. Pooter. I’m glad you like the
imitation, I’ll bring _the other make-up to-morrow night_.”
NOVEMBER 24.—I went to town without a pocket-handkerchief. This is the
second time I have done this during the last week. I must be losing my
memory. Had it not been for this Daisy Mutlar business, I would have
written to Mr. Burwin-Fosselton and told him I should be out this
evening, but I fancy he is the sort of young man who would come all the
same.
Dear old Cummings came in the evening; but Gowing sent round a little
note saying he hoped I would excuse his not turning up, which rather
amused me. He added that his neck was still painful. Of course,
Burwin-Fosselton came, but Lupin never turned up, and imagine my utter
disgust when that man Padge actually came again, and not even accompanied
by Gowing. I was exasperated, and said: “Mr. Padge, this is a
_surprise_.” Dear Carrie, fearing unpleasantness, said: “Oh! I suppose
Mr. Padge has only come to see the other Irving make-up.” Mr. Padge
said: “That’s right,” and took the best chair again, from which he never
moved the whole evening.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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