He saw the picture of his departure painted afresh in his imagination
in characters of odious confusion which a derangement of this kind
represents to a man of study whom action unsettles and for whom
physical ennui becomes a positive unhappiness. Great abstract
intellects suffer from these puerilities. The philosopher saw in a
flash of anguish his trunk open, his linen packed, the papers necessary
to his work placed near his shirts, his getting into a cab, the tumult
of the station, the railway carriage, and the coarse familiarity of
proximity, the arrival in an unknown town, the miseries of the hotel
chamber without the care of Mlle. Trapenard, who had become necessary
to him, although he was as ignorant of it as a child.
This thinker, so heroically independent that he would have marched
to martyrdom for his convictions, with the firmness of a Bruno or a
Vanini, was seized by a sort of vertigo at the picture of an event so
ordinary.
He saw himself in the Hall of Assizes, constrained to answer questions,
in the presence of an attentive crowd, and that without an idea to
support him against his native timidity.
“I will never receive a young man again,” he concluded, “yes, I will
shut my door henceforth. But I will not anticipate. Perhaps I shall not
have to go through this unpleasant task and all is ended. Ended?” And
already the home-keeping citizen gave place in this inward monologue
to the second person hidden within the philosopher, namely, the writer
of books which were discussed with passion by the public. “Ended?”
Yes, for him who comes and goes, who lives in the Rue Guy de la Brosse
and who would be very much annoyed if he had to go to Auvergne in the
winter, it may be. But what about my books and my ideas? What a strange
thing is this instinctive hate of the ignorant for the systems which
they cannot even comprehend.
“A jealous young man murders a young girl to prevent her marrying
another. This young man has been in correspondence with a philosopher
whose works he studies. It is the philosopher who is guilty. And I am a
materialist forsooth, I who have proved the nonexistence of matter!”
He shrugged his shoulders, then a new image crossed his memory,
the image of Marius Dumoulin, the young substitute at the College
of France, the man whom he most detested in the world. He saw, as
if they were there before his eyes, some of the formulæ so dear to
this defender of spiritualism: “Fatal doctrines. Intellectual poison
distilled from pens which one would like to believe are unconscious.
Scandalous exposure of a psychology of corruption.” “Yes,” said Adrien
Sixte to himself with bitterness, “if some one does not catch up this
chance which makes an assassin of one of my pupils, it will not be he!
Psychology will have done it all.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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