a kind of enjoyment to Grandsir Dolliver, as the lifelong conditions of
his peculiar existence.
But, alas! it was a terrible mistake. This weight of years had a
perennial novelty for the poor sufferer. He never grew accustomed to
it, but, long as he had now borne the fretful torpor of his waning
life, and patient as he seemed, he still retained an inward
consciousness that these stiffened shoulders, these quailing knees,
this cloudiness of sight and brain, this confused forgetfulness of men
and affairs, were troublesome accidents that did not really belong to
him. He possibly cherished a half-recognized idea that they might pass
away. Youth, however eclipsed for a season, is undoubtedly the proper,
permanent, and genuine condition of man; and if we look closely into
this dreary delusion of growing old, we shall find that it never
absolutely succeeds in laying hold of our innermost convictions. A
sombre garment, woven of life's unrealities, has muffled us from our
true self, but within it smiles the young man whom we knew; the ashes
of many perishable things have fallen upon our youthful fire, but
beneath them lurk the seeds of inextinguishable flame. So powerful is
this instinctive faith, that men of simple modes of character are prone
to antedate its consummation. And thus it happened with poor Grandsir
Dolliver, who often awoke from an old man's fitful sleep with a sense
that his senile predicament was but a dream of the past night; and
hobbling hastily across the cold floor to the looking-glass, he would
be grievously disappointed at beholding the white hair, the wrinkles
and furrows, the ashen visage and bent form, the melancholy mask of
Age, in which, as he now remembered, some strange and sad enchantment
had involved him for years gone by!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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