To other eyes than his own, however, the shrivelled old gentleman
looked as if there were little hope of his throwing off this too
artfully wrought disguise, until, at no distant day, his stooping
figure should be straightened out, his hoary locks be smoothed over his
brows, and his much-enduring bones be laid safely away, with a green
coverlet spread over them, beside his Bessie, who doubtless would
recognize her youthful companion in spite of his ugly garniture of
decay. He longed to be gazed at by the loving eyes now closed; he
shrank from the hard stare of them that loved him not. Walking the
streets seldom and reluctantly, he felt a dreary impulse to elude the
people's observation, as if with a sense that he had gone irrevocably
out of fashion, and broken his connecting links with the net-work of
human life; or else it was that nightmare-feeling which we sometimes
have in dreams, when we seem to find ourselves wandering through a
crowded avenue, with the noonday sun upon us, in some wild extravagance
of dress or nudity. He was conscious of estrangement from his
towns-people, but did not always know how nor wherefore, nor why he
should be thus groping through the twilight mist in solitude. If they
spoke loudly to him, with cheery voices, the greeting translated itself
faintly and mournfully to his ears; if they shook him by the hand, it
was as if a thick, insensible glove absorbed the kindly pressure and
the warmth. When little Pansie was the companion of his walk, her
childish gayety and freedom did not avail to bring him into closer
relationship with men, but seemed to follow him into that region of
indefinable remoteness, that dismal Fairy-Land of aged fancy, into
which old Grandsir Dolliver had so strangely crept away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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