"And pleasure to me," she said slowly, "means something different than it
does to either of you. In a way, with you both pleasure is active. With
me it's passive." She laughed shortly, almost nervously. "Maybe I'm lazy,
I don't know; but I've worked so long that I'm weary to death of
commonplace and repression and denial and--dinginess. I want to be a free
individual and have leisure and opportunity to feel things, not to do
them. I'm selfish, hopelessly selfish, morbidly selfish; but I am as I
am. I'm like the plant that's raised in a cellar and can't leave because
its roots are sunk there deep. I want to be transplanted perforce out
into the sunshine. I'm hungry for it, hungry. I've caught glimpses of
things beyond through my cellar window, but glimpses only. I repeat, I
want to feel unhampered. I know pretty things and artistic things when I
see them, and I want them: to wear, to live among, to look at. I want to
travel, to hear real music, to feel real operas and know real plays--not
imitations. I'm tired of reading about life and hearing about life. I
want to live it, be a part of it--not a distant spectator. That is what
pleasure means to me now; to escape the tyranny of repression and of
pennies and be free--free!"
For the third time silence fell; a silence that lasted longer far than
before, a silence which each was loth to break. While she was speaking,
at first Armstrong had shifted about in his chair restlessly; at the
last, his hands deep in his pockets, he had sat still. Once he had looked
at her, peculiarly, the tolerant half smile still on his lips; but she
had not returned the look, and bit by bit it vanished. That was all.
For a minute perhaps, until it became awkward at least, the silence
lasted--to be broken finally by the girl herself. Slowly she arose from
her seat and, tall, slender, deliberately graceful, came from her place
in the shadow into the light.
"I'm a bit ashamed to have brought out the family skeleton and aired it
to-night," she said evenly. Under drooping lids she looked from one face
before her to the other swiftly. "I don't know why I did it exactly. I'm
a bit irresponsible, I guess, to-night. We are all so, I think, at
times." As deliberately as she did everything she took a seat. Her hands
folded in her lap. "If you'll forget it I'll promise not to offend in the
same way again." She smiled and changed the subject abruptly. "I see by
the papers," she digressed, "that at last we're to have a trolley line in
town. The same authority informs us as well that you are the moving
spirit, Mr. Roberts."
"Yes." It was the ordinary laconic, non-committal man of business who
answered. A pause, then a significant amplification. "This is the age of
the trolley. There are a hundred miles of suburban lines contracted for
as well. No one will recognize this country as it is now ten years
hence."
"And this suburban line you speak of--I suppose you're the spirit back of
that too?" queried the girl.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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