When Romashov reached his room he threw himself, just as he was, with
cap and sabre, on his bed, and for a long time he lay there motionless,
staring up at the ceiling. His head burned, his back ached; and he
suffered from a vacuum within him as profound as if his mind was
incapable of harbouring a feeling, a memory, or a thought. He felt
neither irritation nor sadness, but he was sensible of a suffocating
weight on his heart, of darkness and indifference.
The shades of a balmy April night fell. He heard his servant quietly
occupied with some metal object in the hall.
"Curiously enough," said he to himself, "I have read somewhere or other
that one cannot live a single second without thinking. But here I lie
and think about absolutely nothing. Isn't that so? Perhaps it is just
this: I am thinking that _I am thinking about nothing_. It even seems as
if a tiny wheel in my brain is in motion. And see here a new reflection,
an objective introspection--I am also thinking of----"
He lay so long and tortured himself with such forced mental images that
returned in an eternal circle that it finally became physically
repulsive to him. It was just as if a great loathsome spider, from which
he could not extricate himself, was softly groping about _under his
brain_. At last he raised his head from the pillows and called out--
"Hainán."
At that very moment was heard a tremendous crash of something falling
and rolling on the floor. It was probably the funnel belonging to the
samovar which had dropped. The door was opened hastily and shut again
with a loud bang. The servant burst into the room, making as much noise
in opening and shutting the door as if we were running away from some
one.
"It is I, your Honour," shrieked Hainán in a fear-stricken voice.
"Has there been any message from Lieutenant Nikoläiev?"
"No, your Excellency," replied Hainán in the same shrieking tone.
Between the officer and his servant there existed a certain simple,
sincere, affectionately familiar relationship. When the question only
required the usual stereotyped, official answer, e.g. "Yes, your
Excellency," "No, your Excellency," etc., then Hainán shrieked the words
in the same wooden, soulless, and unnatural way as soldiers always do in
the case of their officers, and which, from their first days in the
recruit school, becomes ineradicably ingrained in them as long as they
live.
Hainán was by birth a Circassian, and by religion an idolater. This
latter circumstance gave great satisfaction to Romashov, because among
the young officers of the regiment the silly and boyish custom prevailed
of training their respective servants to be something unique, or of
teaching them certain semi-idiotic answers and phrases.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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