Mary gone, the bicycling tête-à-têtes were resumed, and Odd, too, began
to call more frequently at the houses where he met Katherine. They were
bon camarades in the best sense of the term, and Peter found it a very
pleasant sense. He realized that he had been lonely, and loneliness in
his present désoeuvrée condition would have been intolerable. The
melancholy of laziness could not creep to him while this girl laughed
beside him. The frank, sympathetic relation--almost that of man to
man--was untouched by the faintest infusion of sentiment; delicious
breeziness and freedom of intercourse was the result. Peter listened to
Katherine, laughed at her sometimes, and liked her to laugh at him. He
told her a good many of his thoughts; she criticised them, approved of
them, encouraged him to action. But Odd felt his present
contemplativeness too wide to be limited by any affirmation. He had
never felt so little sure of anything nor so conscious of everything in
general. Writing in such a mood seemed folly, and he continued to drift.
He still read in an objectless way at the Bibliothèque, hunting out old
references, pleasing himself by a circuit through the points of view of
all times. Katherine offered to help him, and in the morning he would
bring her his notes to look over; her quick comprehension formed
another link. He was very sorry for Katherine too. She had no taste for
drifting. In her eye he read a dissatisfaction, a thirst for wider
vision, wider action, a restless impatience with the narrowness, the
ineffectiveness of her lot, that made him muse on her probable future
with a sense of pathos. Hilda's wide gaze showed no such rebellion with
the actual; her art had filled it with a distant content that shut
strife and the defeat of yearnings from her: or was it merely the placid
consciousness of Allan Hope--a future assured and fully satisfactory?
Under Katherine's gayety there was a fierce beating of caged wings, and
Odd fancied at times that, freed, the imprisoned birds might be strong
and beautiful. He fancied this especially when she played to him; she
played well, with surprising sureness of taste, and, as the winter came
and it grew too cold for bicycling, Peter often spent the morning in
listening to her. Mrs. Archinard did not appear until the afternoon in
the drawing-room, and in the evenings he usually met her dining out or
at some reception; their intimacy once noticed, they were invited
together. Lady---- was especially anxious that Odd should have every
opportunity for meeting her favorite.
But with all this intimacy, to Peter's consciousness thoroughly,
paternally platonic, under all its daily interests and quiet pleasure
lay a half-felt hurt, a sense of injury and loss. The little voice,
seldom thought of during the last ten years, now repeated often: "But
you will be different; I will be different; we will both be changed."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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