CHORUS. We unite our vows and chants to those of this new magistrate.[98] His words have won our favour and we are convinced that he loves the people more than any of the young men of the present day. BDELYCLEON. If there be any judge near at hand, let him enter; once the proceedings have opened, we shall admit him no more.[99] PHILOCLEON. Who is the defendant? Ha! what a sentence he will get! XANTHIAS (_Prosecuting Council_). Listen to the indictment. A dog of Cydathenea doth hereby charge Labes of Aexonia with having devoured a Sicilian cheese by himself without accomplices. Penalty demanded, a collar of fig-tree wood.[100] PHILOCLEON. Nay, a dog's death, if convicted. BDELYCLEON. This is Labes, the defendant. PHILOCLEON. Oh! what a wretched brute! how entirely he looks the rogue! He thinks to deceive me by keeping his jaws closed. Where is the plaintiff, the dog of Cydathenea? DOG. Bow wow! bow wow! BDELYCLEON. Here he is. PHILOCLEON. Why, 'tis a second Labes, a great barker and a licker of dishes. SOSIAS (_Herald_). Silence! Keep your seats! (_To Xanthias._) And you, up on your feet and accuse him. PHILOCLEON. Go on, and I will help myself and eat these lentils. XANTHIAS. Men of the jury, listen to this indictment I have drawn up. He has committed the blackest of crimes, both against me and the seamen.[101] He sought refuge in a dark corner to glutton on a big Sicilian cheese, with which he sated his hunger. PHILOCLEON. Why, the crime is clear; the foul brute this very moment belched forth a horrible odour of cheese right under my nose. XANTHIAS. And he refused to share with me. And yet can anyone style himself your benefactor, when he does not cast a morsel to your poor dog? PHILOCLEON. Then he has not shared? XANTHIAS. Not with me, his comrade. PHILOCLEON. Then his madness is as hot as my lentils. BDELYCLEON. In the name of the gods, father! No hurried verdict without hearing the other side! PHILOCLEON. But the evidence is plain; the fact speaks for itself. XANTHIAS. Then beware of acquitting the most selfish of canine gluttons, who has devoured the whole cheese, rind and all, prowling round the platter. PHILOCLEON. There is not even enough left for me to fill up the chinks in my pitcher. XANTHIAS. Besides, you _must_ punish him, because the same house cannot keep two thieves. Let me not have barked in vain, else I shall never bark again. PHILOCLEON. Oh! the black deeds he has just denounced! What a shameless thief! Say, cock, is not that your opinion too? Ha, ha! He thinks as I do. Here, Thesmothetes![102] where are you? Hand me the vessel. SOSIAS (_Thesmothetes_). Take it yourself. I go to call the witnesses; these are a plate, a pestle, a cheese knife, a brazier, a stew-pot and other half-burnt utensils. (_To Philocleon._) But you have not finished? you are piddling away still! Have done and be seated. PHILOCLEON. Ha, ha! I reckon I know somebody who will shit himself with fright today.