But what were the sober pleasures of housekeeping and cooking beside
the rough, deep-living exhilaration of gypsy life on the plains! She
looked back pityingly at those days of stagnant peace, compared the
entertainment to be extracted from embroidering a petticoat frill to
the exultant joy of a ride in the morning over the green swells. Who
would sip tea in the close curtained primness of the parlor when they
could crouch by the camp fire and eat a corn cake baked on the ashes or
drink brown coffee from a tin cup? And her buffalo robe on the ground,
the blanket tucked round her shoulder, the rustling of furtive animal
life in the grass outside the tent wall--was there any comparison
between its comfort and that of her narrow white bed at home, between
the clean sheets of which she had snuggled so luxuriously?
There were other matters of charm and interest in the wilderness,
matters that Susan did not speak about--hardly admitted to herself, for
she was a modest maid. She had never yet had a lover; no man had ever
kissed her or held her hand longer than a cool, impersonal respect
dictated. In Rochester no one had turned to look at the doctor's
daughter as she walked by, for, in truth, there were many girls much
prettier and more piquant than Susan Gillespie. But, nevertheless, she
had had her dreams about the lover that some day was to come and carry
her off under a wreath of orange blossoms and a white veil. She did
not aspire to a struggling hoard of suitors, but she thought it would
be only fair and entirely within the realm of the possible if she had
two; most girls had two.
Now she felt the secret elation that follows on the dream realized.
She did not tell herself that David and Leff were in love with her.
She would have regarded all speculations on such a sacred subject as
low and unmaidenly. But the consciousness of it permeated her being
with a gratified sense of her worth as a woman. It made her feel her
value. Like all girls of her primitive kind she estimated herself not
by her own measure, but by the measure of a man's love for her. Now
that men admired her she felt that she was taking her place as a unit
of importance. Her sense of achievement in this advent of the desiring
male was not alone pleased vanity, it went back through the ages to the
time when woman won her food and clothing, her right to exist, through
the power of her sex, when she whose attraction was strongest had the
best corner by the fire, the choicest titbit from the hunt, and the
strongest man to fight off rivals and keep her for himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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