British -- Italy -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; Female friendship -- Fiction; Italy -- Fiction; Love stories
Frederick had been the kind of husband whose wife betakes herself early
to the feet of God. From him to them had been a short though painful
step. It seemed short to her in retrospect, but it had really taken the
whole of the first year of their marriage, and every inch of the way
had been a struggle, and every inch of it was stained, she felt at the
time, with her heart’s blood. All that was over now. She had long since
found peace. And Frederick, from her passionately loved bridegroom,
from her worshipped young husband, had become second only to God on
her list of duties and forbearances. There he hung, the second in
importance, a bloodless thing bled white by her prayers. For years she
had been able to be happy only by forgetting happiness. She wanted to
stay like that. She wanted to shut out everything that would remind her
of beautiful things, that might set her off again longing, desiring....
“I’d like so much to be friends,” she said earnestly. “Won’t you come
and see me, or let me come to you sometimes? Whenever you feel as if
you wanted to talk. I’ll give you my address”—she searched in her
handbag—“and then you won’t forget.” And she found a card and held it
out.
Mrs. Wilkins ignored the card.
“It’s so funny,” said Mrs. Wilkins, just as if she had not heard her,
“but I _see_ us both—you and me—this April in the mediaeval castle.”
Mrs. Arbuthnot relapsed into uneasiness. “Do you?” she said, making an
effort to stay balanced under the visionary gaze of the shining grey
eyes. “Do you?”
“Don’t you ever see things in a kind of flash before they happen?”
asked Mrs. Wilkins.
“Never,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot.
She tried to smile; she tried to smile the sympathetic yet wise
and tolerant smile with which she was accustomed to listen to the
necessarily biassed and incomplete views of the poor. She didn’t
succeed. The smile trembled out.
“Of course,” she said in a low voice, almost as if she were afraid the
vicar and the Savings Bank were listening, “it would be most
beautiful—most beautiful—”
“Even if it were wrong,” said Mrs. Wilkins, “it would only be for a
month.”
“That—” began Mrs. Arbuthnot, quite clear as to the reprehensibleness
of such a point of view; but Mrs. Wilkins stopped her before she could
finish.
“Anyhow,” said Mrs. Wilkins, stopping her, “I’m sure it’s wrong to go
on being good for too long, till one gets miserable. And I can see
you’ve been good for years and years, because you look so unhappy”—Mrs.
Arbuthnot opened her mouth to protest—“and I—I’ve done nothing but
duties, things for other people, ever since I was a girl, and I don’t
believe anybody loves me a bit—a bit—the b-better—and I long—oh, I
long—for something else—something else—”
Was she going to cry? Mrs. Arbuthnot became acutely uncomfortable and
sympathetic. She hoped she wasn’t going to cry. Not there. Not in that
unfriendly room, with strangers coming and going.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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