COLIN: I shall have another of your drinks and then I shall go. JOHN: For the love of God, don’t! Not till you need. Colin, things can’t go on like they are with me, I want your advice. COLIN: Are you doing any writing? JOHN: Yes; of course. COLIN: You ought to stick to the business, and do your own work in the evenings. JOHN: ... We fought like hell out there all day and all night; we didn’t just let off a few guns in the evenings, as a sort of hobby, after we’d spent the day doing something else. If we’re going to have any sort of world for our children after those years of bloody slaughter, it seems to me we’ve got to fight like hell all the time now. It’s no good writing anything unconsidered these days. One must read, and think, and meet people, and be quiet.... You can’t serve God and Mammon. There are some jolly good things in that book; Colin, it’s dreadful to spend one’s best energies doing something, when you feel you ought to be doing something else. COLIN: You’ve got an Urge. JOHN: I’ve got something horrible. My father told me it was a Niche: you say it’s a Nurge! COLIN: It’s what Quakers get. The spirit urges and they feel wicked if they don’t follow. JOHN: I feel miserable. COLIN: Same thing. JOHN: And, incidentally, while I mess on day after day, I’m getting my life into more of a muddle. I feel a cad about Frankie, and I feel a cad about Toby; I really don’t know what I ought to do about either of them. COLIN: You’re engaged to Frankie? JOHN: Before I went to France. The daughter of my father’s partner; both families delighted; and they’ve all taken it up at the point where it was left off as if it was just the same; it isn’t, nothing’s just the same ... for one thing when I was engaged I was innocent ... quite ... one learnt more than soldiering in France. COLIN: I don’t know why you should put _that_ down to the war--it happens to some of us even in peace time. JOHN: It complicates things. COLIN: How? JOHN: In the old days Frankie and I used to go about together a lot--like any respectably engaged couple. COLIN: Yes? JOHN: I used to take her to the theatre, and straight back to her house afterwards; her mother couldn’t sleep unless she knew Frankie was in; and I always said good night to her on her doorstep with a kiss--quite a nice one, but perfectly respectable. COLIN: Yes. JOHN: That was all. I don’t say I never wanted any more. However, I didn’t expect any more; I didn’t know any more, and I was quite ready to go on like that till we were married. COLIN: Yes? JOHN: I was terrified of getting killed in France before I’d had any experience at all. COLIN: Yes. JOHN: Just before an attack, when I was quite sure I was going to get knocked out, I went off the deep end and had my experience. COLIN: Yes.